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ultravioletInfrared8
1 299 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceNovember 27, 2023
Bio

Lowk reconsidering all of my friendships. Maybe my life choices as a whole.

I have no clue where to go from here. Well, I know what to do, but not how or when. Or if I even have the strength to at all.

Recent forum posts
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I need new friends (?)
Friendship Support / by ultravioletInfrared8
Last post
 June 28th, 2025
...See more I think I need a whole new friend group. I'm finally figuring things out within myself and my connection to the Lord, but the more I do so, the more I realize how much effort I put into my friends. Too much effort. I was always really eager to make friends when I was a kid, but I didnt actually get any until highschool. But I fear that bc of that, I prioritize them in a way thats destructive or leaves me disappointed with myself. Now I find myself doing or saying more in hopes that I get a reaction, or just hoping that something goes wrong in order to reveal how much I matter to them. I recognized that I started doing this a while ago, but its started to make me bitter towards them. It feels like Im the only one that stays up until 2am helping them with their boy problems, or im the only one that circles back to conversations that were just glossed over. Just the other day, I tried asking one of the GCs for hard advice and I was met with one word answers. It's so frustrating, but I know im acting entitled to something that they're not obligated to give. They dont have to give me their time. I acknowledge this, but it still makes me wanna post something cryptic, delete all socials, and just go dark in hopes anyone would reach out. Something more that makes me wonder is the fact that now I feel almost embarrassed to hang out with them. We finally made it out of the GC, but the second I ran into people I knew, I felt ashamed. And then when we got into an argument earlier, they were messy and started more drama with a girl that none of us even know. When that happened, it was like the things I had been ignoring had suddenly come to light. If they were so willing to bash someone else behind their back, how could I be sure they weren't doing it to me? Even when I try to nip confrontation in the bud, how much still unfolds behind the scenes? I really love them. I do. I put them on such a high pedestal that I forgot they're human. But its so hard to even think about distancing myself from them because I know I'd be alone. I know they'd talk about me, and I'd have to go back to how I was b4. Not to mention, now I know they're bad influences. Im not sure if I want to be surrounded by people who like to start drama (amid the many other things they do) nor if I have the energy to try and show them the actions they should take instead. Im exasperated. What do I do??
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