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unassumingScarf7223
1 768 M Little Steps
PathStep 35 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2025 Member sinceApril 12, 2015
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Overthinking
Relationship Stress / by unassumingScarf7223
Last post
 March 19th, 2025
...See more I'll start with a very abbreviated background: A year and a half ago, my fiance rolled a full dump truck off the side of a hill when a tire blew. He's still going through surgeries and therapy, to which his retired mom takes him so I don't have to take off unpaid so much from work. His dad is in beginning stages of dementia, and gets very upset when they leave him home without a car in case he wants to go somewhere (he never goes anywhere, though). So our solution was to buy me a car with a 3rd row seat so I can take all the kids and grandkids places, but leave that car in Mom's driveway till the surgeries are all done, then It'll be parked at our house. Well, I've been driving my adult son to and from work for 3 weeks now because his transmission went out and the shop is being super slow fixing it. Middle of last week, we all agreed that I would let him use my normal car, and I'd drive the 'extra' car till his is fixed. Here's where my overthinking and taking things too personally comes in. This morning, my fiance told me his mom was briefly upset that the car wasn't being used as originally intended. This upset me, and I've ruminated all day about how we should just take it back, get my car back from my son, and I'll just drive him around for another week or 2. It's easier for my emotions to leave work to ferry him around at 2, and go back out to get him at 10:30 pm every day, than to feel like I'm causing any tension or strife to anyone. Fiance says to just keep driving the 'extra' car, and don't worry about it, since his dad has no business driving, anyway. I know it's all ok, and it's nothing against me personally, it's just a frustrating situation, which is supposed to be over by the end of this week. I just needed to tell someone, to get it out of my system. Just vent, I guess
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Old wounds
Relationship Stress / by unassumingScarf7223
Last post
 May 6th, 2024
...See more I divorced my ex husband almost 7 years ago, and we've managed to keep a sort of friendship, or at least amiability. Last week he left the mother of his youngest kids, and he's realized how badly he screwed up with me. I've since moved on, and am now quite happily engaged to an amazing man. The trouble is that I thought I had healed from the past, but now that my ex is starting his healing journey, he's started apologizing, and reminding me of things I don't want to re-live. Also, my fiancée has paranoid schizophrenia, which is over all managed, but the paranoia still peeks out sometimes. I was sick most of the week last week, and didn't get to see him much since last Monday, so he was a little upset, worried that I was gonna leave him, when I got back home yesterday (I was with his daughter at a ladies retreat Saturday and Sunday where, of course my phone died Saturday and I grabbed the wrong cord when packing). Friday evening I had promised my mom I'd do something with her (I didn't want to go, but that's a whole other story), which required me leaving his house a few hours earlier, and he, not meaning anything by it said "it's ok, I'm used to you leaving in the evening", as I don't sleep at his house anyway. My brain took that as the weapon my ex used to use when I displeased him "it's ok, I'm used to it" so all weekend I was really feeling that wound reopened by my ex and accidentally touched by my fiancée. When I got back and fiancée was grumpy, I felt awful for a few minutes, until we talked it out, and communicated our fears to each other. Before long we were back to laughing and having a good evening. I'm not sure what my goal was in typing this all out. I guess just to look at it from a different perspective, and now I see that I can't be the one my ex goes to, even in the guise of apologies or child support questions. Also, keep communicating clearly with my soon to be husband, and I can't let my mom keep pressuring me into things.
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