Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
ventallout
443 M Embraced 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts35 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceMay 17, 2021
Bio
Recent forum posts
ventallout profile picture
Avoidant Husband
Relationship Stress / by ventallout
Last post
 November 24th, 2021
...See more Hi.. Background: I have an avoidant husband. He doesn't like to communicate on serious topics. Avoids me when he feels I am angry.. to avoid fight. First 2.5 yrs of our marriage was a havoc. He used to work for 15 hrs a day and on weekends. There was a complete emotional neglect from his side. Also, no involvement in operational duties of a husband. Everything I had to do. It was super stressful with my Job on the other side... plus too much interference of Mother in Law and her 'not at all subtle' jealous behaviour (she doesn't stay with us but 1 hr daily speaks with my husband with all her bitching about me). Current status : We took counselling 4 months back, he is trying to improve. Created boundary with his Mother. Carrying out most of his operational duties well. However, still procrastinates important tasks once in a while. And at times when he does I try to be patient. However, sometimes when even after giving him enough buffer he doesn't perform his duties I can't hold it together and lash out at him. He accuses me of fighting with him. I told him several times to perform his duties on time if he doesn't want me to fight with him. Recent Trigger: I left job in Sept'20 for further studies (1 year diploma). We had talked before I left the job, that he will send me a certain amount (which is just 4% of his salary) for my personal finances. After I left the job he would send me money , however, I had to ask him 3-4 times for the same. After the counseling he sent me money for 4 months without me asking him. But again in this month he somehow "forgot" to do the same. For 10 days I didnt say anything, then I reminded him to which his response was "I forgot". Still for the next 2 days he didnt send. Yesterday evening he was watching TV show happily while ordering cake for his niece's 2nd month birthday. This triggered all the memories of the past where he would neglect responsibilities towards me but would diligently do all the responsibilities towards his other family members. And I lashed out at him. I already did yoga and meditation for relaxation today morning. But still distracted due to anger and unable to focus on study. (I can't get out of this marriage coz of social stigma hence I have to find ways to manage my anger and stress arising out of his selectively lousy behavior and taking me for granted) I am so much trying to "not expect" anything from him. I do well at that so many times. But sometimes I can't. If anyone has any advice/ tool that will help me get through such situations so that I can focus on my work/study, it would be of great help.
ventallout profile picture
Anxiety and low self confidence
Anxiety Support / by ventallout
Last post
 August 30th, 2021
...See more Hi all.. I had been achiever since i was a child and quite confident. Unfortunately I started following the crowd instead of going for what I like. This went for over 10 years post graduation. Now that I came into my senses I am in the process of making transition in my career. I took a break and went back to studying what I actually liked. However, time and again my belief in myself goes down. All these thoughts of regret for wasting my time for 10 years and now starting over from ground in another field and looking at peers of my own age around is lowering my confidence. These thoughts keep me distracting, has increased my anxiety and keeps me from concentrating on my studies. I worry with all these I may again not get a job which I would like to have after this big step of leaving previous job. This creats even more anxiety. And the cycle continues. Please suggest what should I do to keep focused on my goals. Thanks in advance!
Search more from @ventallout
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
12 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Honest Voice First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Bundled Teammate Forum Friend
Report an issue