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voodoostrucken
1 211 M Embraced 2
PathStep 22 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceAugust 12, 2025
Bio

Hi I am new here. I am 38 a mother of 3. I work in law and enjoy my job. I used to be a stay at home mom where I baked cakes on the side while helping family's who had loved ones addicted to gambling. I used to have many hobbies such as drawing, writing poetry, horse back riding, being out in nature, but my depression has stolen that from me and i am struggling so bad to find my eay back.I joined to look for help with my depression. Have been searching for a therapist but cant afford to reach my deductible first so I am trying this. Feeling lost and totally rejected in my pursuit of help.

Recent forum posts
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Heavy Heart on a Rollercoaster
Newbie Hub / by voodoostrucken
Last post
 August 15th, 2025
...See more Like waves my grief threatens to drown me almost daily but at times it rolls in like a tsunami and completely destroys me. 4 years my daddy has been gone for 4 years but at times it feels like 4 min. Depression has always been a struggle for me, has always been this deep dark rollercoaster that I can seem to exit. There are times on my rollercoaster that I am soring high through the sky passing time and looking like I am having the time of my life, and then starts the decent, the decent into the dark abyss. It twist and turns and goes deeper and deeper to the point there is no light. I feel the weight of the air thick and heavy on my chest, my mind feeling scattered and blank all at the same time. When I am in the dark I see nothing I have nothing to focus on I only feel the crushing weight of the emptiness, aloneness. I know there are others on this rollercoaster I know I am not alone but yet I desire to be alone up in the front waiting for the assent into the light but never allowing myself to feel to hopeful because I know what goes up must come down. This rollercoaster has been my life for 25 years this manic depression has been spinning me around and *** me down for more than half of my life. There are times that I think one day I will make it off of this ride and all will be ok, but most of the time I wish that it would just break and send me flying down into darkness only to find the eternal darkness. To no longer suffer mentally, physically and emotionally.
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