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waffles123
743 M Little Steps
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts33 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceNovember 24, 2016
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How do you move on even when you still love them?
Relationship Stress / by waffles123
Last post
 June 20th, 2021
...See more I posted here back in May (Heartbroken After Abrupt Breakup) after being broken up with by my boyfriend of a year and a half. It’s been about 2 months since our breakup and I’m struggling to let go of him or any feeling about our relationship. I tried reaching out to talk to him a couple weeks after the breakup and he told me that he wouldn’t change his mind. But I kept having a gut feeling that he missed me and would want me back. But honestly I don’t think there’s anything that could bring him back or could change his mind about being with me. He gave up on me and our relationship and now I’m giving up on any hopes of him ever wanting to be with me again. I really loved him and I really believed that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I really believed that we were perfect for each other, that we were meant to be. It’s been really hard to let go since I believed that for so long. But In the end, I guess it wasn’t true. Or if it was, he changed his mind all of sudden for reasons I don’t think I’ll ever understand. I feel really lied to and hurt. And my heart keeps wanting to have hope and be optimistic but I think it’s just hurting me even more. And even if he did come back, it would take a lot for us to get back together. I don’t think he’d be able or willing to put in that work, and I shouldn’t have to overcompensate. So my question is: how do you let go of someone you believed once really loved you who doesn’t any longer? How do you let go of someone you still love without hoping that they’ll come back? I’ve gone to therapy, talked with my friends, done all of the things but every time I try to distract myself and focus on myself I get reminded of him. I’ve even had dreams of him (obviously without even intending to). I can’t seem to get him out of my mind even when I try to.
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Heartbroken after abrupt breakup
Relationship Stress / by waffles123
Last post
 May 24th, 2021
...See more It’s been a little over a month since my breakup with my (now) ex-boyfriend. We had been dating for a year and a half and it happened really abruptly. We had been doing really well for a long time, with a fee ocasional small fights/arguments, but the week before he broke up with me we had been fighting almost every night. He had been stressed dealing with work he was doing for his family, but instead of telling me that he was really busy and couldn’t talk all, he would just lead me on to believe we’d talk later only for it to be pushed back again. We had been long distance due to the pandemic for almost a year (we went to college in the same city but I eventually had to move back home across the country). Texting & talking over the phone/facetime was really the only way we could communicate and spend time with each other. It had been really hard on the both of us, but I thought we were really making it work the best we could. He would always text me or make videos saying how much he loved me and how he was so happy to have me as a girlfriend, how important I was to him, how lucky he was to have me in my life, how much he missed me and wanted to see me, how we were gonna he through the pandemic together and not let long distance break us up. We had both been planning to see each other once we were vaccinated and could safely travel. But when he broke up with me, he said that didn’t want to be with me anymore, that he wasn’t happy. That he didn’t want to keep feeling bad about our relationship. But just before that really stressful week of fights, he had been telling me how much he loved me and we had still been making plans to see each other since we had both just gotten vaccinated. So all of this came out of nowhere for me, even with the fights. (Those fights were about him not communicating with me about when was busy and how I felt he wasn’t making an effort to prioritize me in his life since I wasn’t right there in front of him. I was really frustrated and I felt really neglected, but I wanted to work things out because I knew a lot of our issues were due to being separated for so long under really stressful circumstances. He kept saying that we had tried to make things work and it just wasn’t working, even though I felt like I was the only one putting in the effort. He was always so busy and it felt like he never put in the same effort to make me a part of his life as much as I made him a part of mine.) It feels like he really gave up on me, on our relationship. We had been so close to finally seeing each other in person after a year of being apart, but he broke up with me right at the end of the tunnel. I thought that seeing each other would help strength our relationship. I was even planning to move back to the same city in the next couple of months so it would have been even easier for us to have a real relationship again instead of one through our phones. Before the pandemic, we had such a good relationship. We’re both in our early 20s, he was only my second long term relationship and I was his first real relationship. He was really devoted to me, and I was really devoted to him. We had our own separate things going on, but we saw each other frequently. (Sometimes he would even want to see me more than I wanted to see him.) We had such an instant connection, stronger than anything else I’ve ever had with anyone in my life, romantic or not. We had a lot of the same interests and values, we worked in similar fields, I even got along with every single one of his family members (I lived with him and his family for a couple months during the pandemic and they had made me feel like I was even part of the family.) He was my best friend. I really loved him with all my heart and I really trusted him. I believed everything that he said, about wanting me in his life and wanting to be together even after the pandemic. So for him to say that he hadn’t been happy and that he had believed that things weren’t working out for a while doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I still really want to be with him. Even with all the issues we had, I believed that those things were fixable and only were so difficult because of the pandemic. But I just don’t think he wants to be with me anymore, I don’t think there’s anything I can do that would make him change his mind. But I miss him so much and I wish that we could have really made things work together if he had just been honest with me before things had gotten so bad. But even if he did, hypothetically, want to get back together, I wouldn’t know how to trust him again. What he said to me when we broke up makes me believe that most of our relationship had been built on lies, even though I truly don’t believe he meant them as such when he said them. I know that I deserve better than someone who doesn’t know how to communicate properly, who can’t make his girlfriend of more than a year a priority, who gives up at the last minute. But I still just want to be with him. I don’t know how to let go and move on. I’m still so heartbroken.
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