How do you move on even when you still love them?
I posted here back in May (Heartbroken After Abrupt Breakup) after being broken up with by my boyfriend of a year and a half. It’s been about 2 months since our breakup and I’m struggling to let go of him or any feeling about our relationship. I tried reaching out to talk to him a couple weeks after the breakup and he told me that he wouldn’t change his mind. But I kept having a gut feeling that he missed me and would want me back. But honestly I don’t think there’s anything that could bring him back or could change his mind about being with me. He gave up on me and our relationship and now I’m giving up on any hopes of him ever wanting to be with me again. I really loved him and I really believed that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I really believed that we were perfect for each other, that we were meant to be. It’s been really hard to let go since I believed that for so long. But In the end, I guess it wasn’t true. Or if it was, he changed his mind all of sudden for reasons I don’t think I’ll ever understand. I feel really lied to and hurt. And my heart keeps wanting to have hope and be optimistic but I think it’s just hurting me even more. And even if he did come back, it would take a lot for us to get back together. I don’t think he’d be able or willing to put in that work, and I shouldn’t have to overcompensate. So my question is: how do you let go of someone you believed once really loved you who doesn’t any longer? How do you let go of someone you still love without hoping that they’ll come back? I’ve gone to therapy, talked with my friends, done all of the things but every time I try to distract myself and focus on myself I get reminded of him. I’ve even had dreams of him (obviously without even intending to). I can’t seem to get him out of my mind even when I try to.
Hi there. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is such a difficult time getting over someone you still have strong feelings for. Sometimes, it helps me to know people are going through similar experiences and I’m not alone. I know it’s not the answer you are looking for because if someone had a way to make the hurt stop, you’d obviously try it, but it’s not that easy. Try focusing instead on the part of that you said you guys would need to overcome a lot to be in a relationship again, and he’s not willing to do the work and that you shouldn’t have to do it all. That’s the most important part. Sometimes people come into our lives for a short time, shorter than we may have expected to teach us something about the world or ourselves. That doesn’t mean you need to stop loving him, but maybe try and send him love but while accepting it’s over. Have you tried mediation or daily mantras? They say the energy you put out in the universe will come back to you. So if you want to feel better and not hurt maybe try that. I know you miss him and still care for him, but sometimes love isn’t enough to overcome battles, and you deserve someone that makes you happy. I’m so sorry again for your pain, and I hope you start to feel better.
