wanderlust0509 Member Profile

...See more Apologies for the long post. So I met this guy online during the covid lockdown. Initially we didn’t talk much but after a month or 2 we started talking everyday. Things started getting better. We met, went on 2 dates. Fell in love. It was all going good till then. He used to say a lot of things on text and call like “you are my everything” “I have never felt like this about anyone before”. I said those things too because they were very true for me. This was my first relationship. The first time we met was just for coffee and a walk. The second time we met, I got a chocolate a he likes for him, we went to a restaurant and split the bill. For the third date he came over to my place. Then as I was living alone, he used to come to my place most of the time. After that he went away for 2 months for his work, we used to talk everyday. But the last 2 weeks of those 2 months, he started behaving very weirdly. I started feeling like he’s getting bored of me. I still kept talking, asked him about it but he didn’t tell me anything. When he came back after 2 months, we did not meet right away. He met his friends on the first day, his mom on the second and then me. He promised to go out on Valentine’s day but we didn’t. I had to ask him to make time for me. He had told me previously that he cannot sleep over because his mom is not used to being by herself. But he went to his friends’ houses for sleepovers. He just said that I’m his priority. Never made me feel like it. So basically, his actions were not matching his words and I felt like someone that came third, that too when he had time, not otherwise. He would always meet everyone else but tell me we should meet later. He lied to his boss one day when he wanted to go out with his friends. He used to hang out with his friends till late at night but with me he was always in a hurry to go home at 10. You know, he sent me a picture of me with the caption, “how can anyone not give flowers to this beautiful face”. But he also never gave me flowers before and after that. I had given him a handwritten letter after which he gave me one too. He gave me earrings once. He saw an online ad that he would get a discount if he buys 5 earrings. He bought 5, showed his mom all the earrings, she chose 2 from them and the remaining 3, he gave to me. This being my first relationship, I did not know how one is supposed to behave in a relationship. I made him a priority above literally everyone in my life. I made him my everything, replaced my alone time with time with him, didn’t work on myself. My life revolved around him and I realised I was not growing. 2 days before the breakup, I asked him to meet and he said he can’t meet that day. That drastically affected my mood. But I did not understand what was going on with me and why I suddenly felt so sad and alone. I told him on call that day that I feel depressed. I said, “I sometimes think I might have undiagnosed depression”. His reaction was alright, no problem with that. But after some time he was like, “okay I’m sleeping now”, I could never sleep if he said something like that to me. The next day my feelings of sadness intensified. I switched off my phone for a while. I told him that I’m switching off my phone; need to be alone for a while and that I’ll text him later. To this he only replied one thing, “for how long” (7-8 hours). He didn’t say anything else. He contacted my best friend and asked if she knows what is going on she told him that I am going through some shit and will tell him myself. To this he said “okay”. Later that day, I switched on my phone and texted him “Hey. I’ll text you after I’m done with my chores” to this he sent a voice note which said he’s sleeping, goodnight. He did not say I miss you as we did EVERYDAY. (This happened at 10 which is not his usual sleeping time). That was the part that broke me. I remember I cried for hours that night because I needed him and he wasn’t there for me. The love of his life, his everything (as he had said on texts before) was alone for 7-8 hours and when she texted, he wanted to sleep. I cried A LOT that night. The next morning I told him I needed to be alone as all of this was affecting me. He did not even ask me once why I’m doing this, did not once try to talk me out of it, did not once say that he should have been there last night. He just said “okay, what can I say if you have already decided”. I felt terrible after the breakup. I felt like I had sprung the breakup thing on him and it was wrong of me to do that. So I thought maybe I can give it another chance and try to make it work. I called him the next day saying “if you’re willing to, I want to give us another chance”, he said he’ll think about it. He called me the next day and said, “I cannot trust you anymore and I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore” I literally pleaded and begged him to give me a chance but he said no. After a long conversation, I decided to accept it and told him that is okay and told him that I’m sorry if I had ever hurt him before. I do not necessarily regret the breakup, but I feel bad about the way it happened. He unfollowed me everywhere. I don’t know it I did the right thing, I know I did him wrong, I accept that the way it happened was wrong. I should tell you I am a little but of a people pleaser. I need everyone to be on good terms with me. And it hurts me that him and I are not on good terms anymore. I also fear that I might not find someone in life. (Not that he was extraordinary or anything. He just did the bare minimum but he is the only guy I’ve dated). I accept my mistake and need help getting over it. Any help from any of you would be great :)

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