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warmheartedEast8702
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 12, 2021
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Lesbian dating - is this a red flag?
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by warmheartedEast8702
Last post
 March 11th
...See more I've been casually seeing this girl for a month and a half now. For our 6th date, we went out to dinner - she suggested going to this restaurant slightly higher on the price scale. She was ordering whiskey and other drinks for both of us. At the end of the meal, she suggested we split the $150 bill. She has a very high paying job in tech and gets large checks from her parents, and I'm a karaoke host looking for a day job because my karaoke job doesn't pay enough to live off of, which she knows. Is this a red flag? I was a little off put that she'd suggest splitting and being equal rather than equitable, when she has zero worries about money and I'm highly struggling financially. Am I being dramatic? Or does she not have a community oriented / equitable mindset about money?
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how much of an inconsiderate asshole am I?
Relationship Stress / by warmheartedEast8702
Last post
 April 1st, 2025
...See more So my best friend has an ex who we like to make fun of, because he treated her badly and his music lyrics are funny and bad. There have been 2 or 3 times where I've made fun of him and his lyrics with my other friends because I think it's funny; I only mention that I know who he is because my friend went on a date with him. The other day, my friend told me to stop telling people because it's funny but she had to actually go through it, and it's not other people's business. I apologized and told her I'd definitely stop and I get that it's weird that I'd say "lol I told my friend about him!" when he actually hurt her. I clarified that not to defend myself, but to make her feel better, I mention her to a tiny extent and mainly make fun of him. She said it's okay I love you so much and we're good. I still feel horrible and so inconsiderate that I'd do that in the first place. I care about her SO much. I know people have conversations like this all the time, but I feel like such a terrible inconsiderate ***, and I guess I could use some outside perspective on how big of a deal this really is. Is what I did objectively wrong, or an (extremely valid) specific boundary of hers?
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help is my friend flirting or are we just besties
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by warmheartedEast8702
Last post
 December 4th, 2024
...See more I have the age old wlw dilemma of "crushing on my bestie, maybe we're just really good friends" so i thought i'd ask strangers on the internet their opinion. this has been going on for about a year. i want to tell her but i'm scared. i just want to lay out some stuff here and get your opinions on it. we fake flirt but i don't know if she's just joking around or not. we were talking about her spending the night at my house and doing a jokey bit about her being flustered about it; "ok bustie i mean bestie" and "for dinner can you make melon i mean cucumber i mean um." we kiss each other's hands sometimes, and we joke about getting married; we "joke" about how we'd propose to each other, what rings we'd get each other, joking that the lady at the ring store at the mall thought we were shopping for engagement rings, etc. i compliment how she looks and she rubs my back and tells me i'm cute. she draws cartoony pictures of us holding hands with a heart. we sent flirty gifs and she says "we're practically dating" and "are we dating now 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩" and "maybe we could go to a fancy restaurant then we'd actually be dating, just kidding!" i don't know man, sometimes it seems like there's definitely a vibe there but then all of it could just be us being besties. i want clarity but i'm scared, and if i'm being honest i really like her, and i've resorted to asking strangers on the internet about it.
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best friend with bipolar disorder (unmedicated) dumped me, help please!!!
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by warmheartedEast8702
Last post
 February 17th, 2021
...See more i'm not sure if this is the right place for this topic, but i really could use some thoughts on this because i'm DEVASTATED and confused, so if anyone has had a similar situation / knows more about bipolar disorder than i do comments / reading this through would be much appreciated!! so my (former, i guess) best friend is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and chose to stop taking their mood stabilizers cold turkey about 2.5 months before this happened (it happened about 3 weeks ago). i don't want to take any possible accountability away from myself by blaming it all on their bipolar or anything, but from the research i've done i think it might be able to explain some of their behavior that i thought was out of character. we were the best of friends - we'd known each other about a year, we were drawn to each other because we were the only ones who didn't fit in with our large friend group, and created a tight bond over that and also some shared trauma related to that. we became rapidly close over the pandemic, and would talk every single day about everything - were the best of friends, each other's #1s, and inseperable. we'd facetime for 5 hours at a time, talk about how we'd be friends when we're 40, tell each other we wouldn't know what we'd do without each other, and we'd joke about how crazy we'd go if we ever got into a fight or had a rift (how ironic to think about that now). after they told me they decided to go off their meds because they were tired of feeling unmotivated and sleepy, i didn't think much of it because i didn't know anything about bipolar disorder. i didn't really notice any changes, aside from in retrospect they'd get a bit snappier at me about things they wouldn't have before. about mid-december, they suggested we find a place to move into together a few cities away (we live 2 hours from each other and are both with our parents for the pandemic). they were 1000% ready to start the process and move in 3 months, i liked the idea but i was more hesitant about it bc i like my hometown, i live in a big city, i have friends here, i just needed time to think. every time we'd talk about it they wanted an answer immediately, and they'd get frustrated that i was hesitant, then i'd get anxious - but they were still really trying to be understanding and supportive which i appreciated. they had a depressive episode and didn't talk to me for 2 days, which had never happened our whole friendship. after the episode, they facetimed me and were more manic than i'd ever seen them - talking really fast and loudly etc., telling me they didn't wanna talk about their episode which was out of character for them. a couple hours later they called me and their mood seemed more regular, and we had a final talk about the housing where i told them i didn't wanna move because the city we would've had to compromise on was somewhere i wouldn't want to live, nothing personal. they said they're upset and not okay, but also it doesn't suck because it's my truth and they understand. the next day we had a 2 day road trip planned. the first day or so of the roadtrip was all good and fun, but the mood was off - they were acting more irritable than usual and being more critical of me over small things, but i didn't think anything of it. by the second day, the mood was more noticably off, and i was thinking of asking them if they were okay. by the time we got to the airbnb, we asked each other if we were okay and we both said no - they told me i'd seemed high strung, i told them i was anxious about the housing thing and they told me they were frustrated that i was still anxious about it because they told me it was fine. i got in such a bad / anxious mood that i was silent for about 2 hours, and they got very frustrated about this and ended up saying some really hurtful things, that i don't wanna move in with them because i'm stuck in my comfort zone and afraid to move out, and that having conversations with me is draining because i'm too sensitive. this made my mood worse, and the mood continued to be VERY bad for the rest of the trip. 2 days later, we don't talk for those 2 days, i'm expecting to talk it out when we do talk, but they tell me they've moved on and talking more about it would be excessive. i tell them i'd like to explain my side of the story, that i was in such a bad mood because those things they said really hurt. they apologized, then hung up sort of abruptly and didn't talk to me for another 3 or 4 days. finally they sent me 10 minutes worth of audio messages that were a bit hard to follow - they told me they didn't have the maturity level to handle being wrong by hurting my feelings, and that they hate that part of them that's mean like that, but also that they don't think they did anything wrong and they'd say all of that again. they also said that it's not never going to bother them again, but there's nothing more to talk about and they're ready to move on, and they're setting a boundary that they don't want to talk about it anymore. this was confusing for me, as i felt these things could've been cleared up by communicating about hurt feelings, and i didn't even know what was still bothering them. so asked them if it was okay if we talked about it again, thinking we could finally clear up hurt feelings and things would be okay. a couple hours later, they called me and told me they absolutely didn't want to talk about it, for the sake of their own mental health and energy, and that that's a firm boundary they're setting and that isn't being selfish and i need to respect it. my thoughts were that if it was upsetting them that badly, it would come up again if we didn't talk about it, and i thought we could fix it if we talked about whatever was still upsetting them. i communicated with this in a way that turned into an argument about the boundary they had set, i may have pushed too hard, and they got visibly more and more angry then hung up and told me they'd call me back. an hour later they told me not to reach out and they'd text me when they're ready to talk about it. then, a week later they sent me a LONG, extremely hurtful text telling me they don't want to pursue the friendship anymore, we were "sucking the lives out of each other" when we'd talk about our housing disagreement, friendships shouldn't be about emotional drain, and it was a red flag that i crossed their boundary because i had more to say about something we'd talked about over and over again. this hurt me beyond belief, being best friends and ending it over a text, and also not letting me explain my perspective of the latest disagreement. i'm hurt and devastated and confused why none of our conversations went well. again, i don't want to blame this all on bipolar disorder, as i know that doesn't define them and they are a whole person with or without thier disorder. however, i feel that a lot of this behavior was very uncharacteristic of them, and from what i've researched about bipolar disorder i feel that could explain some of the anger and impatience and strong feelings about our disagreement. does anyone have any thoughts - i know sometimes people with bipolar end relationships during episodes then later realize their behavior and regret it? i also know sometimes if an argument triggers them it can make them very angry like this? i've read that for some people with bipolar relationships are difficult to maintain and i don't know how much that plays into this. i'm so heartbroken i don't know what to do, any help please??
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