Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support
  3. Lesbian dating - is this a red flag?

Lesbian dating - is this a red flag?

User Profile: warmheartedEast8702

I've been casually seeing this girl for a month and a half now. For our 6th date, we went out to dinner - she suggested going to this restaurant slightly higher on the price scale. She was ordering whiskey and other drinks for both of us. At the end of the meal, she suggested we split the $150 bill. She has a very high paying job in tech and gets large checks from her parents, and I'm a karaoke host looking for a day job because my karaoke job doesn't pay enough to live off of, which she knows. Is this a red flag? I was a little off put that she'd suggest splitting and being equal rather than equitable, when she has zero worries about money and I'm highly struggling financially. Am I being dramatic? Or does she not have a community oriented / equitable mindset about money?

3
User Profile: CalmRosebud
CalmRosebud March 5th

@warmheartedEast8702

No, you’re not being dramatic. You picked up on a thread that made you feel uncomfortable and if your communication is able to be open at this point about equitable mindset, hopefully, you’ll be able to suss out whether the relationship is going to fly.

Here is a possible brainstorm idea of an approach to talking about it.

"Hey, I wanted to chat for a second about our dinner the other night. I had a great time, but I’ll be honest, I was a little stressed when we split the bill.
"Since you know I’m currently grinding to find a day job and my karaoke income is pretty tight, a $150 dinner is a huge stretch for me—especially since we went for the pricier spot and the extra drinks. I’m definitely down to contribute, but I guess I’m more of a fan of keeping things equitable based on what we’re both making.
"I really like seeing you, but I’m worried that if we’re not on the same page about that kind of stuff, it might cause some friction later on. Just wanted to see where your head is at with how we handle costs going forward!"
This hits the "red flag" points—the lack of awareness and the need for a shared mindset—without being overly confrontational. It gives her the chance to step up and show if she actually has that community-oriented side, or if she's truly set on "equal over equitable."

User Profile: Aayla
Aayla March 5th
@warmheartedEast8702 this is a very valid concern and it says says a lot about her mindset, she seems to be not very mindful of people's concerns outside her own bubble.
However, if you like her and you think it's worth exploring this relationship further, you can tell her about your concern and how you feel about her not realizing the implications of her requests. If she's willing to learn from it and be more considerate in the future, there's a chance, but keep paying attention to this kind of things. Social awareness is not something people develop easier, unless they have the sensitivity and empathy to make an effort and do that, and what happens next will tell you a lot about her.
User Profile: loyalTown2415
loyalTown2415 March 11th

No, you're not being dramatic. Partners are supposed to care for each other. I think just the fact that she took you to an expensive restaurant while knowing you don't earn much is a red flag. Yeah it would've been okay if she had divided the bill keeping it in mind but she didn't so yes, this is a red flag.

*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist