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warmheartedStrawberries8325
185 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceNovember 2, 2023
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Am I in the wrong?
Relationship Stress / by warmheartedStrawberries8325
Last post
 November 9th, 2023
...See more Ive been married to my husband for 13 years and we’re together for 3 years before that and we have 4 kids. I love him a lot but we have both done some horrible things in our relationship. I always think it’s getting better and then he brings it all back up and argues with me and cuts me down. We agreed on the boundaries that we were sorry for all the past behavior and it would never come up again because it always became an argument. He continues to bring it up in arguments and name calling and I told him I’m sticking to the boundary. I have to literally out my phone on focus mode to IGNORE the stress of the texts he sends me. He always gets in these moods and leaves the house and then starts texting me and arguing. He says he can’t even talk about his feelings to me now without me ignoring him. The background I had some very unhealthy high school relationships and lied about them, not divulging them to my husband. I didn’t explain them or list all my sexual partners. It came out in an argument before we were married. Then years later after our first daughter was born he brings it up againand begins to almost o sensibly ask about my sexual history and wants to know every detail and how and why and explanations. It freaked me out bc I also had a lot of shame about this. Shame for sleeping with the people I did and how the relationships were. I was also raped at a high school party and had a hard time telling him about that. All my sexual history is filled with shame. Any ways he began to ask and ask and I would end up lying saying it was just the most basic things and simple relationships. Which it really was just high school toxic crap. years go by of asking for details and me lying and saying it was nothing.then little things would begin to slip and come out here and there and each time it would be a horrible blow back from him. Breaking things. Throwing things. He cheated on me 4 times. Finally everything has been out for 4 years now. Mind you we met when I was 17 and have been together for 17 years now. He still brings this up and argues with me calls me names and asks more details and questions and says he doesn’t believe eme and this and that. Horrible things. He’s even broken things and fought in front of our kids scaring them too. He has actually choked me and pulled my hair to yank my head up and slam my head into the bed multiple times. All this from me lying about my high school sexual past to him out of tremendous shame and feeling not good enough. I know these traits in my self and have felt them for a long time. anytime he asks anything I cut him off and say no we agreed to never talk about this again. It still turns into a fight. He says I did this and caused him to be crazy. The. It’s like a switch flips and he says he sorry and how he loves me and act wonderfully but then goes right back to a horrible day of arguing. am I in the wrong for trying to keep this boundary? I just want everything to be wonderful and be happy and no arguing about anything ever again. I also told him if he cheats in me again I’m done. his backstory he has some horrible family trauma that involves lying and alcoholism and abuse.
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