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wonderingmind2630
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2024 Member sinceMarch 19, 2022
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Relationship Stress / by wonderingmind2630
Last post
 February 9th, 2024
...See more Hi, new here.  Lets dive in head first. I feel like I'm setting my relationship up to fail.  I have feelings of resentment towards my partner.  And guilt towards my children for not being available as much as I should be.  My partner graduated college in December, I'm proud of him for going back to school as an adult.  I'm also happy he found a job fairly quickly.   For the last four years I have been supporting the family financially, long hours and taking care of two kids.  Most of my shifts are doubles 15 hours including drive time.  They are also back to back.  My partner won't do anything alone so when I do have a day off I'm running to stores, calling people on his behalf, cleaning with him.  I never get a break.  I feel like these are things he  could do during the day when I'm working, our daughter is in school and our son is at the sitter.  So he generally has his days to himself.  When I get home he will say things like "the house is disgusting"  and tell me that it needs to be cleaned.  I feel like this is directed to me since he had opportunity to clean and is waiting for me.  I would rather spend time with the kids since I'm mostly out of the house and only see them for an hour or so between the days I work. He just started his first job this week and has been picking fights with me about things he feels I don't do.  I return with things he doesn't do.  On my day off I cleaned the entire house.  Spotless, every surface, moped vacuum, kids room, all laundry bedding you name it.  I maintained this for the two days I was off.  Both days he left things around and I cleaned them up saying nothing about it.  Today I was back to work.  After getting our daughter on the bus I cleaned up again dishes done, toys picked up house clean. When I got home tonight at 11 I find him in the recliner as usual, toys everywhere,  backpack on the floor, his work things across two kitchen counters, dirty laundry on the floor not in the basket a foot away, wet towels on the bathroom floor. I want to cry.  I didn't say anything to him about it.  I went to get changed for bed and when I was in the bathroom he just went to bed.  Saying nothing. I don't know what to do.  From the fights we have had he feels like him working voids home responsibility.  But my working doesn't.  He will still be home at a decent time and get to spend time with the kids but says hes to tired.  He doesnt think i should be tired after the hours and drive i put in.  I also get both kids ready daily he just does himself. I just don't know how to communicate with him my feelings without a fight.  I want balance and time with the kids like he gets.  I feel all.i do is worn and pickup after everyone. Any advice on a better balance would be appreciated.  I thought if i.cleaned everything and he was only home a short time he could keep up.  I just don't want to live this way. 
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