Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
yapyap
1 2,161 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts90 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes23 Current upvotes23 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceApril 18, 2025
Bio
Recent forum posts
yapyap profile picture
In a glass case of emotions & sometimes a lack of
Family & Caregivers / by yapyap
Last post
 July 12th, 2025
...See more Hello. I'm Yap. Im a single parent (by choice), to a child I was told I would never have, & that I almost died with while bringing them into this world. Understanding this would probably be a once in a lifetime experience for me, I sought to make it the best experience for both of us. My child grew up very close to me; fully understanding I'm their mom & not their best friend. They still treated me like I was & were always excited to share every thought that occured to them. Strangers would actually admire how close we were, & some would even judge that we were too close for understanding how one another thought. Despite my best efforts, my child went through *** most of their life. Situations mainly happened in their educational environments, with authority figures linked to their educational environments & with medical professionals. Many others just happened to be within our living environment, like with angry people who've made life threatening remarks or randomly attacked them in the streets. I don't like to disclose their personal information out of respect, but I'll say any adult enduring what they have, would've taken it to the news, probably be in jail for retaliating, have people put in jail, &/or wouldn't have a problem bc the problems would have just.... disappeared. All these experiences changed my child. They went from being the happiest, most creative & authentic child in existence, to someone I barely recognize. We can barely go several hours without them attempting to attack me, in any way possible. Why? They blame me for all they endured. Their logic is that I knew how messed up the world was, especially for children, & I still brought them into it. That I "allowed" these things to happen to them & didn't do something about it. Despite seeing police harass me, on a near daily basis just for coming to their school(s) after being called to pick them up, seeing those who caused them suffering band together to taunt me about the suffering they caused, & hearing/seeing the smear campaigns that came around as a result of my attempts at legally fighting them, my child hates me. I accept their hate bc at this time I don't think they know what to do with it all. We've tried therapy for years & honestly, after catching 1 therapist in a lie, it makes it difficult to work with one. Getting multiple liars & people with some serious instability issues, makes it almost impossible to get any results. I am brutally honest. That might sound cruel but I tell things as it is bc I believe in holding people accountable, including myself. My child is aware they are being abusive. They are aware of the consequences society will give based off of the actions they choose to take during their constant episodes of rage & yet they don't care. In regard to their behaviors, It was explained that a person wouldn't choose to be a good person if they see its mainly terrible people who keep winning. I dont want that for my child but that is definitely where its headed. So, why am I sharing all this? I am at a loss. I've never been one to tolerate abuse & would rarely try to address things where people were intentionally rude bc people know what they do. I've removed myself from family members & ended decades long friendships at the sight of a Mr. Hyde. I've always been very comfortable being alone (despite being a social butterfly), due to refusing to compromise on my inner peace. I can't leave my child alone though. I am reaching out to any parent/caregiver who might be able to understand this *** & possibly give some advice. I know what awaits them in Juvi, foster care & residental inpatient programs. I can't bring myself to do that to them bc I know they won't make it. Even if they do, its not going to help them.
yapyap profile picture
Where do I fit?
Disability Support / by yapyap
Last post
 June 16th, 2025
...See more Hello all. My name is Yap bc I talk.... a lot.... like what I'm doing in this post. [This post is ≈ 12 paragraphs long. Sorry not sorry. I like to be thorough & understood.] This is my first post. I am sadly no longer accustom to writing properly & speak weirdly in general. Should this post be difficult for you to understand, you can let me know & I'll try to break it down further. If it offends you due to my lack of proper grammer, punctuation & sentence structure, you are more than welcome to skip it. I recently decided to try & follow through with the way 7cups seems to be designed, & go through their steps. While talking & occasionally reaching out to people, or showing support is nice, I wondered if there was something more to this app that could help me on my never ending journey of peace. I reached a step where it suggest joining a sub-community & skipped it. The step popped up again & while I was tempted to skip it again, I questioned why I didn't want to do it. The answer I've come to accept is bc I am a "newer" person due to my handling of new circumstances I'm still confused over & so I don't know where I fit. Add to it that I was never the type to look for where I'd fit in. I went & was received where I was accepted, & shunned from where I wasn't. Doing so on a mental health platform felt like the equivalent of picking a struggle clique, which seemed bizarre to me. All this gave me a deeper understanding about myself & led me to the idea of asking the sub-comminities I think I fit into, if I do in fact fit. So, the idea is to give a little about myself & my struggle(s). I'll explain why I feel I could be apart of this community & for certain communities, why I don't believe I do but could (sounds weird but it'll be explained in those communities). I would appreciate it if members could share their beliefs on if I do, or don't. It occured to me that there might be others who may feel the same. It would also be appreciated if members could share why they feel they belong in this community too, &/or who they appreciate being in their community & why. Thanks in advanced to all who participate or show support. As for myself & my believed link to this sub-community sprinkles magical word glitter bc I have absolutely no idea how to transition from the previous paragraphs to the point without making this foreverlong I have been an active person most of my life. As a young child, I took walks across long bridges after dinner, in order to tire me out & to enjoy the fresh air. I did so many extra curricular activities that involved being physically active while growing up & well into adulthood. Walked/ran/jogged for hours bc I enjoyed it. Walked miles for fun during my pregnancy... even though edema was not so much fun. Started biking across boroughs, rock climbing & trying every type of yoga that peaked my interest. I later wanted to see if it was possible to change weight & size (which remained the same most my life) & relearned to swim, started weight training & calestetics. I changed size but not weight, but was content. I was the healthiest I ever felt, & then, things happened. (If you're silly, yes... it is said with the same energy as Avatar) I got covid which lead to intense fevers & an extremely achey body, & around the same time, was a passenger in an accident. My ache stayed a while & I started to walk differently. As someone with a high pain tolerance & a person who's walked around with broken bones, not realizing they were broken, it didn't click that something might be seriously wrong. I stayed in pain until I couldn't anymore (& doctors started opening again after quarantine) & thus started the visits to all the doctors & specialist. I was told I had scoliosis, pinched nerves & neuropathy but that was as far as most of my diagnosis went. I dont feel any really explained why it hurts to walk, why my body suddenly & constantly catches cramps, has spasms, uncontrollable aggressive shaking & just generally aches & tires me out, why my range of motion has drastically decreased (or has become a painful process to attempt move normally), why I lose my balance, or why the weather dictates my life now. Everything was always kinda "well it just is", something relating to my being the cause the problems, or something I was questioned as to why I was doing/experiencing it, as if it wasn't a part of my diagnosis & therefore my body's now natural way of doing what it was doing, was just something wrong with me as a person. I took the medications that were prescribed my way & stopped when I didn't understand how sleeping 16 hours a day, or landing myself in the ER (after taking one) with something that seemed like a heart attack, would help my situation. I did PT until I was removed from their schedule without reason... around the time they suggested I walk like a T-Rex & I argued that no one bends their legs like that to walk "normally" & kept getting questioned as to why my walk changed when I felt temperature differences. In deciding to take a mental break from all I perceived to be insanity, I took my healing into my own hands. In the several years I've been dealing with these issues (& those diagnosis), weird things began with people in my surrounding areas. Elderly people were fearful for my well-being & began to offer me their walking devices. People would snicker about me carefully planning my steps off the curb. People would call me disabled & I'd correct them with "temporarily impaired" & then feel weird about it. It felt wrong to take or be given a "title" of being a disabled person. Yes, I understood (& still understand) I am no longer capable of strenuous things like running, & all "simple things" like easily turning around or existing without pain, were no longer available to me, but it still feels weird to take on the idea, others & my own, of being disabled. I read stories & saw experiences similar to mine & questioned is disabled really the word here? I understand disability is on a spectrum, just like so many other things in existence, & yet I cannot accept that title... comfortably or uncomfortably... or just as is. Yet, here I am asking if I do. I looked into this sub-community bc I've changed. My body aches in abnormal ways. I'm constantly at risk of getting hit by every vehicle due to my inability to walk faster than the changing light. Extreme panic sets in when my arm randomly goes numb & I'm holding something valuable/fragile. I smile when I feel the wind on my face while riding a store's motorized scooter bc it reminds me of what my normal walks felt like. I brush people off when they tell me my music is too loud & puts me in danger... & respond with "Have you seen me move? Where am I going, or what am I doing if there is danger?" [Note: I don't think this is a statement relating to having no hope. Despite my muscle weakness, I'm pretty sure defending myself with anything I may have in such a dangerous situation, will at the very least make someone reconsider/stop their actions. Escape is not a reliable option though. Teacup puppies, elderly with walking devices & newly walking babies usually outwalk me easily]. I looked bc I experience these things & I want to talk about it. I want to hear other people's experiences whom I feel could relate (which sounds weird bc I like hearing all experiences... but this is the best way I can word it) Anywho, all these changes stare at me like a judgemental grandma who knows I'm trying to do something I shouldn't & says "You can't but its ok." I looked into this sub-community bc when I met people (in person) who wanted to do things they were incapable of doing, they'd say they can't but its ok. When people saw me in pain, they'd tell me what eased theirs. They'd share their experiences & told me how they help themselves (or loved ones). They made jokes & told me about all the experiences they could have. People would talk to me about their progress &/or encourage me through my own journey. [I also found myself doing so to others but it doesn't click as anything since I've always been the bearer of unsolicited advice. Its just weird to me that I do it more often & within the disabled community]. While these things aren't necessarily what I'm looking for (dont know what I'm looking for besides... connection?, smiles & peace), I think I could find that in this sub-community, while I experience my "newer" self. As for the reason why I don't believe I'd fit in this sub-community, I am progressing. [Anyone who has read this far, please hear me out before lighting your torches.] When all these things began, I cried in public places. I've walked on a broken bone & didnt feel a need to cry, however, the pain I endured in the beginning of this experience was enough to have me ugly cry as I struggled to make my way anywhere. Enough to make me temporarily not care that the person who offered me help, was only doing so in order to try to get to know me later, & was enough to make me want to do so (accept their help... not the other thing). Over the years I've changed from that place to where I now just look like I'm contemplating violence 65% of the time. I no longer take 5+ hours to walk a mile. Now, it's usually a little less than 2 hours.... unless there's multilaned streets. [I like being alive so I don't time anything when needing to involve multilaned streets.] On good days, I am still in pain, but can go without resorting to all the great things nature can provide [For the sake of trying to avoid violating any guidelines, or introducing ideas to those who shouldn't be exposed to them, I won't explain. iykyk]. I'm healing, but the fact remains, I am still incapable of doing what I once could, & I very well may never be able to do so again. I have hope though. Does it really permit me to be welcome in a space even if my stay, while I expect to be long, may only be temporary? Can it really be a space for me when I have no idea of what's the real cause of all this? When I lack a name for any of it? or when I am occasionally becoming forgetful of it's existence (with the help of nature), until it aggressively reminds me & I sleep for several hours bc I moved too much? In short, my expedition for acceptance reminds me of people who label themselves with having abc bc they've self diagnosed & its trendy.... & it makes me cringe. Not only am I looking for where I could belong but I'm trying to find a label to put on it too (regardless of if it's bc I feel professionals have failed me) bc I want to fix it. [& No... this isn't Pokémon... I dont want em all] So... is this a sub-community for me?
Search more from @yapyap
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
17 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice First Compassion Helpful heart Forum Friend Strong Bond I Hang 10
Report an issue
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started