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yellowHemlock7485
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PathStep 3 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 5, 2019
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Emotional cheating
Relationship Stress / by yellowHemlock7485
Last post
 September 9th, 2019
...See more Looking for a little insight. My husband of 14 years (together 20) was seeing a woman more than 15 years younger than us. I confronted him several times and voice my concern about things I saw or had a feeling about. Long story short, 7 months later I see all the texts he sent her when we switched over phones for our son. Saying things when are you going to realize we are falling in love good mornings and good nights. He said he had the time because I am the only one working due to his medical conditions. He would not do things around the house and say he was depressed and lonely. He had to tell me lies everyday just to see here which was practically everyday. She lives less than 2 miles from us. Her husband also objected to their friendship and showed up at my house but refused to talk to me about it saying he had more respect for me. I also come to find out she was arrested twice for assault, in trouble with the school for not sending her kids and has serious mental health problems. He would send her love songs and good morning/goodnight texts ( all the same stuff he did while we were dating). He says they didnt have sex because it wasnt an option because he knew how much it would hurt me and all this silly talk he didnt mean. He also said that this ugly situation has made him realize that Im his only girl. Im beyond hurt, disappointed and quite frankly pissed off he was willing to potentially throw our entire home and life and child away for someone like her. (He texted her he wanted to run away from all this with her.) The little things he said he would do have all stopped yet again. He told me it was because I walk around pissed off and I should just get over it because hes embarrassed when we talk about it. The kicker is is that HIS DAUGHTER KNEW (she is an adult child) . I asked him how would he feel if someone did that to her? He then followed up with if I wanted to have a relationship or sex with another man he would be understanding. He promised he would go to therapy, hasnt occurred. He promised me he would sort out his wedding ring situation since I told him it was important to me, hasnt happened. I entered CBT for myself and I have made a lot of attempts to spend time with him (not reciprocated). I guess I am asking if I am blowing this out of porportion? Its only been 2 months since I had hard evidence of what I suspected all along. He doesnt understand I just cant get over it. How am I suppose to be compared to a 30 year old when Im in my later 40s? I get so anxious when I am not home. My mind wonders to what he is doing but then again I cant stop him (clearly) and hes going to do what he wants. My therapist says he has heard that women do take emotional cheating harder than sexual cheating. He also says we can come out stronger with a lot of work but I feel as if I am the only one trying. He just shuts me off saying hes embarrassed this situation happened. Has anyone else been through this or any pointers at effective communication? I dont have the answers to tell him what to do to make it better and quite frankly Im not the one who screwed up and betrayed him. I feel as if he needs to figure himself out and what he should do to help our relationship. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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