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yellowxmelon
242 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2021 Member sinceJune 25, 2021
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Struggling with even the simplest tasks to terrifying level / Relationship stress and anxiety
Anxiety Support / by yellowxmelon
Last post
 June 26th, 2021
...See more I do not know if I chose the right thread, but I really need external help about my current mentak state and relationship. For about 3 years now I am struggling with productivity issues to the point I do not take showers or brush my teeth. For my whole life I struggled with anxiety (answering phones, talking to new people, having to talk to cashier, paying, having to talk to anyone that is not a friend - family included). But for the last to years it gotten so bad that I do not do my university tasks and attend classes because i have anxiety being in an online call ESPECIALLY with my parents in a room right beside me. I have a hars time doing ANYTHING when they're around besides be on my phone and maybe playing video games. I have anxiety even when I watch TV Show since I know they would be asking what am I watching/Why etc. Anyways, it gotten si bad to the point im not doing my regular routines. I cant seem to bring myself to do the simplest of tasks including brushing teeth/showering. I do not know how to bream the cycle. My closest friends just say that I am comfurtable in my own bubble and thats why its scary for me to do anything. And I really do not feel like that since i dont really have a good relationship with my parents since they are always fighting with eachother or me but they might be right since I am living under their roof careless about trying to afford my own stuff. It just feels like I have such a big weight on doing anything really while others do it like a routine. I will fail all of my classes if i continue like this (i do make myself do work but in the last possible moment) and all the talking with school workers i really try to make my mom do instead of me if its possible. All this also led to my boyfriend getting frustrated with me and even if Im not doing anything now I was really toxic 2 years ago and it left a mark on him. And I do not feel loved at all and he changed so much because of my torture and Im being so nice now but its just to late he doesnt have patience anymore, hot headed, and tends to be so cold when communicating and unable to express feelings... i also have huge problems with focus... its just a huge mess and i do not know where to start from... i cant keep living like this i am turning 21 and i did nothing and cant do anything and also i do not feel loved by the 1 and only person i gave my all and opened up
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