ym47 Member Profile

...See more I am currently in a relationship where I have a hard time trusting my boyfriend of 4 years. At the beginning of our relationship he did somethings that I found disrespectful towards me that I cant really let go off and idk why. Idk if my reasons are valid or am I just over reacting. For example, some of the things he did was that I fond out he was still snap chatting his ex gf who cheated on him. He still had her on all his social medias and hit liked to her selfie pics of her on ***. Another thing was that he followed to many bikini models and liked all the sexy pics at the beginning of our relationship and the only reason he stop was because I told him to unfollowed because I found that disrespectful towards myself, which he did. Since I am insecure because in my past relationship I was cheated I already have a hard time trusting I asked him to check hos phone and saw that he was messaging on fb with a girl he had a few night stands back at the military base he was stationed. There was nothing inappropriate said on the messages from his side, but the girl send him a pic of a them they were In the shower together not fully naked though but he did told her he was in a relationship with me and that he was taking me to a concert for my birthday and how happy and in love he was with me. I know he didn’t said anything bad in the conversation they had, but it bothers me that he didn’t cut her off or black her when she first message him as respect towards our relationship. Like why even tell her our business or even continue the conversation with her even after she send that picture of them in the hotel in the shower. Just to be clear all this happen in our first year. I had to delete and block her or else who knows if they would have continue talking. In the beginning of our relationship he also talked to two of his childhood female friends on the phone all time which made me feel like it was to much sometimes. I remember one day I got upset because one of hos two friends was telling him about her *** relationships and how her ex husband was treating her and just way too much information to my bf. I might have over reacted but I thought it was to much I guess I got jealous for giving her more attention than me idk so I made him block her for the safety of our relationship because it made me feel uneasy of them getting too close. Later on in our relationship I see messages between them before he met me of course when I check his phone again that he tells her that if they don’t find somehow they could possibly date each other. Then she mentions how her mom always thought he liked her and then he mentions how his mom thought they would looked good together. When I read that it just broke me it made me felt that maybe he has always had a thing for his childhood female friend that he tells me its like her sister. While checking his phone I also find out he was trying to meet up with this childhood friend behind my back when she came to Disneyland with her two daughters. I guess they were still talking with each other after I told him to stop. I confronted him and told him why he was still talking to her and why he wanted to meet up with her with what intentions and that I not once saw that he included or mentioned me. So I asked him if she knew about me he said yes but honestly who knows. This all happened in our two first years its been 2 years later and we have been good well at least he block them all for good and he has changed he no longer follows bikini models and respects me, loves me, takes care of me etc. Deep down I know he loves me and I feel that he will proposed to me soon here in a few months he has said so, but now I am the one not ready. I love him but for some reason I can’t forget what he did because it has made me question if I can fully trust him not to cheat in the future. I have been married and cheated in the past don’t want to commit the same mistake again. Even though he has apologized many time for the little things he did I forgave him but I can't forget idk why. I still don’t trust him at all and that’s one of our biggest fights is that I now accuse him of cheating while at work. I feel like I am not at peace anymore. I’m scared that he will proposed because idk if I can say yes and ruined our 4 year relationship. Another issue I have is that I have beg him that I wanted to get married around our first two years and he never did. Now its been 4 years and he is ready but now I have my doubts and I feel like he is only getting married because I’ve been pressuring him over the past 3 years. I also think he is trying to married me because it’s his last year being stationed here and wants me to go with him where ever he gets stationed next in the military. I honestly don’t know what to do or why I feel how I feel. Also excuse my English writing I’m not very good with my English lol.

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