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zay6786
1 475 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts44 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceOctober 6, 2026
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breakup
Relationship Stress / by zay6786
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more hi,  I'm new here and I don't know if anyone will read this but I feel so alone as I can't really talk to anyone about this. I'm an 18 year old female uni student in my first year, ive made no new friends just acquaintances, I only have one friend that came here with me and the breakup is really affecting my uni work. I love him so much and I don't think ill ever get over it. we were on and off for a year but this time I really believe its over because he's finally realised that he's not good for my mental health and my heart is too soft to handle his actions. I don't think ill ever know if he truly loved me but we both got so attached so quick and slowly slowly I just kept finding out more secrets and lies which led to it being on and off. he recently told me he feels attached to me and this other girl (one of the secrets he kept from me but then told me about to make it my problem too) and he doesn't plan on leaving either of us and that he doesn't believe In love which made me realise I was going to have to be the one to act and make him understand that I'm not staying in this weird threesome forever (I was hoping he would end things with her eventually and just choose me as dumb as it sounds). she didn't know about me which makes me feel even worse and disgusted with myself. he would keep me coming back by saying how much he loves me and chooses me but then I would find out he's still with her and I would get my heart broken time and time again. I feel like he does love us both but doesn't want to feel the pain of losing either of us and is stuck, its not right at all but its reality, sometimes love isn't a movie. his ego gets the best of him and he thinks its all attachment not love. even though he didn't treat me the best he is a good person at heart, just definitely a shitbag when it comes to relationships and doing the right thing. As embarrassing as it feels to say I still really love him and I think I always will and saw a future with him. I just really don't know how to deal with my heart being so broken on top of feeling so lonely and no one understanding or having no one to talk to. I'm not suicidal but I haven't felt pure happiness in so long or had a good change in my life that I don't have any hope for the future and I honestly would rather just not wake up tomorrow. I feel like I'm just going through life and not actually living it. I'm here because this has hit me incredibly hard as I hardly ever cry over anything, I just feel numb and depressed, but I haven't been able to stop crying the past few days and I know if he comes back again I WILL go back which I hate myself for. I can't sleep properly (ive tried everything) I can't eat properly I can't tell my family because they're religious, I can't even talk to my friend that came here with me because she doesn't understand and never wants to hear it and just wants me to always be in a fun mood to accommodate her feelings. sorry if I just posted a whole fat story but that felt good to just write out anyway
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