breakup
hi,
I'm new here and I don't know if anyone will read this but I feel so alone as I can't really talk to anyone about this. I'm an 18 year old female uni student in my first year, ive made no new friends just acquaintances, I only have one friend that came here with me and the breakup is really affecting my uni work.
I love him so much and I don't think ill ever get over it. we were on and off for a year but this time I really believe its over because he's finally realised that he's not good for my mental health and my heart is too soft to handle his actions. I don't think ill ever know if he truly loved me but we both got so attached so quick and slowly slowly I just kept finding out more secrets and lies which led to it being on and off. he recently told me he feels attached to me and this other girl (one of the secrets he kept from me but then told me about to make it my problem too) and he doesn't plan on leaving either of us and that he doesn't believe In love which made me realise I was going to have to be the one to act and make him understand that I'm not staying in this weird threesome forever (I was hoping he would end things with her eventually and just choose me as dumb as it sounds). she didn't know about me which makes me feel even worse and disgusted with myself. he would keep me coming back by saying how much he loves me and chooses me but then I would find out he's still with her and I would get my heart broken time and time again.
I feel like he does love us both but doesn't want to feel the pain of losing either of us and is stuck, its not right at all but its reality, sometimes love isn't a movie. his ego gets the best of him and he thinks its all attachment not love. even though he didn't treat me the best he is a good person at heart, just definitely a shitbag when it comes to relationships and doing the right thing. As embarrassing as it feels to say I still really love him and I think I always will and saw a future with him.
I just really don't know how to deal with my heart being so broken on top of feeling so lonely and no one understanding or having no one to talk to. I'm not suicidal but I haven't felt pure happiness in so long or had a good change in my life that I don't have any hope for the future and I honestly would rather just not wake up tomorrow. I feel like I'm just going through life and not actually living it. I'm here because this has hit me incredibly hard as I hardly ever cry over anything, I just feel numb and depressed, but I haven't been able to stop crying the past few days and I know if he comes back again I WILL go back which I hate myself for. I can't sleep properly (ive tried everything) I can't eat properly I can't tell my family because they're religious, I can't even talk to my friend that came here with me because she doesn't understand and never wants to hear it and just wants me to always be in a fun mood to accommodate her feelings.
sorry if I just posted a whole fat story but that felt good to just write out anyway
@zay6786
Wow that was quite a interesting story..
I think the problem here is that you don't have a social support system in place to fall back on. You can't talk to your friends and family so your stuck in a bad situation.
Then you come here and tell us.
Well Zay, thank you for trusting us and I hope you feel better for getting your story out to someone, and I am proud of you for this..
Your struggle is real and I am moved by your struggle! Your feelings are valid and we hopefully can be a part of the social support system you lack.
As for your on and off boyfriend you have to decide what to do yourself we can't tell you what to do.. Are you looking to be distracted by visiting here so you can move on and accept the fate of your seemingly dubious relationship? Well we're here for you.
Stay strong your important and you deserve to be successful and happy 🌲
Hi, thank you for replying I wasn’t expecting it
I really hope this can be something good for me to fall back on and I’m able to see other peoples perspectives and experiences so I feel less alone. We’ll see how it goes
We have broken up, he has said he never intended to make me feel this way and shouldn’t have let this carry on so long and he said he won’t try and come back. I know on paper it seems like the right decision but I feel so broken without him I just want to go back even if he also loves someone else as bad as it sounds, I have no self- worth or standard when it comes to him, I feel miserable. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. I really want to see how bad he was for me and I want to get over him, maybe if I connect with others who have had similar experiences or might understand me I’ll be able to move on? I have no clue, I just felt lonely and decided to try and fix that problem and yes I’m probably just trying to distract myself from it all.
But thank you so much for replying it really means a lot🫶🏽
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