Regain Power

Goal

To understand how fighting against or running away from our problems contributes to suffering.

Fight vs. Flight

Our natural instinct when we face a stressor or problem is to fight back or pretend it’s not there (flight). This is a hardwired process that we inherited from our ancestors. When they were threatened by a predator, they could either fight (try to win) or take flight (run to survive). This instinct is still with us today. The threats we now face, however, are not larger predators, but internal and external experiences that cause stress.

• Hiding/Escaping (flight): Simply avoiding situations and feelings because they are deemed “unpleasant.”
• Suppression (fight): Forcefully pushing unwanted thoughts and feelings from your mind.
• Distraction (flight): Distracting yourself from thoughts and feelings in awareness by engaging in another activity.
• Arguing (fight): Arguing, analyzing, and debating your own thoughts and feelings.
• Zoning Out (flight): Numbing your thoughts through engagement in activities that free you from thought.
• Numbing (flight): Using substances to numb your mind, body, and emotions.
• Taking Charge (fight): Trying to force your thoughts and feelings into a certain direction.
• Self-Bullying (fight): Bully yourself into feeling or thinking a certain way.

If You’re Not Willing To Have It, You Will

The more we struggle against, the more we suffer. A rule that captures this idea is “If you aren’t willing to have it, you will.” The more you avoid something, the more it has power over you. The good news is that you can regain that power by learning how to respond. One way to remember this is to break the word responsibility into two parts, response-ability, to remind ourselves that we have the ability to respond.

Reflection (Optional)

Write your thoughts down to better understand this concept.