Menopause help - I feel like I'm going crazy
Please help. I am having some awful menopause symptoms. I feel like I am on a roller coaster of ups and downs. I went to my nieces wedding last week and felt anxiety, lonliness, couldn't stop crying, sad, angry, and so many other things but I didn't know why. I was exhausted from traveling there and everything hit me at once. Then the next few days instead of spending it with my family, I was in bed. Exhausted and very sick as I get everytime I go through this. My sister became very angry with me and accused me of drinking too much and spending the next few days in withdrawl instead of being with her and our family. But, that wasn't what happened. I experienced one of my worst episodes (that I go through every month) than I have ever experienced. Then I started after three days to have extreme anxiety and it ended with a major panic attack. I was so afraid and just wanted to go home. I was 22 hours drive from home. I just wanted to go home and couldn't think. I had major brain fog and paranoia and just couldn't think straight. After I finally did get home she wrote me a scathing email accusing me of being a mess and going through detox and insisted I get help. She told me I embarressed her by crying at the wedding, not being social and not coming to her house after the wedding to see her family. I don't know why I couldn't stop crying - everything was making me cry. I didn't want to be social because I felt so horrible. I lay on my bed and just couldn't get up. I wasn't depressed, I just felt awful - like I was dying. She should understand this because I have told her how bad it is for me before. But she is so angry with me and just accusing me of being so awful. I don't know what to do. I am so upset over this. I did have a few drinks at the wedding but I wasn't drunk. They weren't strong drinks but she just assumed my behavior of being anti social and crying was from that. I just felt so unwell. Any advice I would really appreciate it.
@helloNorth6450
Hello there, sorry you are facing a difficult moment.
Not sure why you think it's due to menopause, what about to consult a doctor in order to clarify things?
What you are experiencing seems to impact your daily life so maybe it's needed professional guidance, what do you think?
Take care
@LoveMyRotty
I did consult two doctors. They both said to wait it out. I know it is related to menopause because it happens ususally monthly just before and when I get my period. The other days of the month are normal for me and I am fine. Not moody, sick, crying, etc. My doctors agreed.
@helloNorth6450
Hi there, so it has been clarified it's due to it. Did it happen to feel bad also in past before the period?
If so, how did you cope with it? Maybe there is something you can do to help the moment? Like any specific routine or to avoid certain things to not let things go worst. We can try to reflect about it and see what could help better.
@LoveMyRotty
It has been going on like this for a long time. This past year has been the worst. Because my periods are irregular and vary I never know when it is coming. I know that when I am under a lot of stress, tired, etc. it seems to be worse. Most of the time I think I am at the beginning of coming down with the flu or a cold - then it hits me. I was feeling really well the previous months August - October. So, I didn't see it coming so hard this month.
@helloNorth6450
Sorry for that. Is there something you see as being useful to you? Anything specific you enjoy? Something you can do that relaxes you?
At least to help with negative sympthoms and prevent to have them getting worst.
@helloNorth6450
if you are still getting your period. It could be peri. menopause that u are having. I went thru the same thing, the PMS period can get very intense as we near menopause. I thought I was going insane every month and my sister would say you must be getting your period. The good news it stop when my period stopped. 😊
@helloNorth6450
if you are still getting your period. It could be peri. menopause that u are having. I went thru the same thing, the PMS period can get very intense as we near menopause. I thought I was going insane every month and my sister would say you must be getting your period. The good news it stop when my period stopped. 😊
@helloNorth6450
if you are still getting your period. It could be peri. menopause that u are having. I went thru the same thing, the PMS period can get very intense as we near menopause. I thought I was going insane every month and my sister would say you must be getting your period. The good news it stop when my period stopped. 😊
@originalScenery4691
Oh please promise me there is an end to this!
@helloNorth6450 Hello! I know exactly what you're going through actually. I've been there for someone who experienced all these menopausal symptoms and they even experienced very unpleasant physical symptoms too, I'm sure you'd understand what I'm referring to. The person had a lot of hormonal abnormalities but she's fine now! You just need hold on really, I can ASSURE you that this is just a phase. It might be long for some people but it surely does end at some point. I advise you to treat yourself, take some time out and do the things that bring you comfort, that make you feel at ease, I suggest you take time off of house chores and things like that, bed rest is pretty nice. I understand it would be so hard to cope with this rollercoaster of emotions. And, if you think that this is really getting out of hand, which seems to be the case, I 100% advise you to visit your gp and talk it out with them. They may give you better medican advice than anyone can on here. Or they might prescribe you some meds to help with your menopause. I hope it really gets all better for you, and that this tough road comes to a halt! You're really strong for making it this far.
@Acertaindevil *medical
@Acertaindevil
Thank you for understanding. It really means a lot to me. I feel so alone. I am an emotional person to begin with and this is just taking me through the ringer. I have gone to the doctors. Both my gynecologist and my general doctor. They've done tests and just prescribed me ibuprophen and stomach medicine. They both have said to hold out I am almost at the end according to my blood work (and that was a year ago). They didn't give me anxiety medicine because I only experience the panic attacks and depression once in a while. I thought my sister would understand because I have told her how bad it could be for me. I can't help when it comes - it just comes. It's like having a very, very bad flu, with major cramps, for a few days with overwhelming exhaustion. Then the anxiety and panic attacks set in. It's the same thing every month. My husband assures me of this. He will help me through it but unfortunately he wasn't at the wedding with me. He and my sister do not get along. I lost my father last January (we were very close) and I just kept thinking of him at the wedding which made me cry even more. My young adult children were there but they were not very understanding. I guess they are just tired of dealing with me not feeling well so often. I didn't tell them how bad I really felt so I just stuck it out. Even if I told them I don't think it would have changed anything. Instead of my sister asking me she just jumped to conclusions. She is a very controlling person and I just usually go along with her and not argue back. BTW she is my twin sister so that makes this even harder. She will never see my side and admit she is wrong. She has problem in her own family because she is this way. I never go against her - just empathize with her. So she is just coming down on me so hard thinking it was something other than what it was. I kept my distance from people because I didn't feel well. Also, covid and a wedding are not the best to do at this time so I kept away from people. The way I was feeling I wasn't sure that I wasn't sick that way (part of my paranoia). Now, a week later, I know that it was just my monthly problems. The thing is, I didn't feel bad for the past three months. I thought maybe it was over for me. Then wham it hit me so hard! Can you give me any advice on how to not let how my sister sees me (and is telling all of the family) control how I feel now? I am so upset over this. I have always worried about her opinion of me - I need to stop it. But, I feel bad about what she is telling her family and my brother. I feel like I lost them. That they will never know the truth or believe me. I don't want to be estranged from them. I just don't know what to do.
I can understand the symptoms you are describing they are really difficult to manage.
I guess you can only just say the truth you were unwell and it was not drink related.
I would apologise that you couldn't spend more time enjoying her day with her and that you never intended to hurt her feelings. Unfortunately you can not control feeling unwell. Do some self care and try distract yourself from the whole situation it does sound quite a hard time right now.
@xzy1000
It really is hard right now. I am trying to distract myself but I miss my sister and hate that she doesn't know what was really going on. She never asked me. Just jumped to conclusions. I really did think she would be understanding - I never thought she would take it the way she did because she seems to have been supportive in the past. She keeps telling me I need to go on anxiety medicine and have a histerectomy because that is what she did. I don't want to take medication if I don't need to. The anxiety/panic is mostly controlled. Just once in a while it gets as bad as it did that weekend. I think being sick so far from home and not having my husband to help me just freaked me out. And I don't want to have the operation if I don't need to. My doctors said it is a last resort and don't feel I am at that point yet.
I did want to tell her exactly what you said about apologizing. She never gave me a chance. I haven't talked to her since I left for home. When I was getting ready to leave, we said goodbye normally. She never gave me any indication that she felt this way. I have not heard from her. She wouldn't take my phone calls or texts. She only emailed me once (the scathing email) and texted how she felt one time. The thing is, we never have kept in touch by email - usually just phoned or texted in the past.
I don't want to blame my sister because I love her. But, in the past she did the same to two family members. My cousin and my Dad. She got angry with them, wrote them a letter, then didn't talk to them for years. It went on with my Dad for three years and she hasn't ever yet spoken to my cousin and that has been over 10 years. She writes how they have wronged her and cuts ties with them. She did reconcile with our Dad - but it hurt him deeply. I can't believe that this is happening to our relationship. I really love her but I don't think I will ever trust her again. I am so deeply hurt by this - it is hard to breath. Just the sheer reasons she is upset, and how they are not true, and not allowing me to expain - she won't even try to hear me out - is what is killing me inside.
Thank you for caring and listening.
@helloNorth6450
Wow, yeah, cut-offs aren't the optimal way to deal with family conflict. And right now everyone is extra stressed out.
I was reading about your hormonal issues and wondering if you've been given any small amounts of estrogen.
It helped my mood swings so much during menopause which lasted about 5 years!
Im glad you're reaching out to an online community, it helps with the isolation.
I'm dealing with loss of two loved ones this year. So much sadness.
Well, thank you for sharing. 💙
No, my doctors didn't offer that.
I am sorry about your losses. I hope that you are doing okay. It is really hard I know. I lost my Dad last January. Not covid but a heart issue. I miss him so much. I think that makes what is happening so much more difficult.
You're right - it has been a difficult year for everyone.
@helloNorth6450
Yes, I lost my mom a month ago and my grandma last December. Grief is an extra layer of stress on top of so much else.
Hope you can get on HRT (hormone replacement therapy), it reallly helped me. 💙
@Gale1032
I am afraid of the side effects of HRT. My doctor's never seemed to consider it or offer it to me. I have told them how bad it gets too. My gynocologist is male and nice, but just said to wait it out. My GP is a woman and very understanding. She didn't suggest it - I really trust her.
@helloNorth6450 so sorry you are going through this. Perimeno was hell for me and became so unbearable. I had to have my ovaries out and now am on HRT and with a very steady constant amount of hormones things are soooo much better. If you can, research hormone replacement or find a doctor known to be good for that. After menopause many women need HRT for optimal physical and mental health. I do hope your family can be more understanding
@HappyDucky8
Thank you. It is hell sometimes!
@Gale1032
I am really sorry to hear about your Mom and Grandma. That is really a lot to deal with. The space it leaves in our lives is just an emptiness that just can't be filled. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. I struggled with menopause for a few years and I know how miserable it can be. I can tell you what helped me. Chamomile tea, it relaxed me so much that I would use 2 teabags and let them seep for around 5 minutes. Sleep was another problem, especially waking up drenched. I slept on a soft towel so I didn't have to get up and change the sheets. I listened to lots of meditation, Let's Meditate is a wonderful free app for beginners. Just learning to stop and breathe showed me how much I helped my breath which causes anxiety. Walking in the woods, sitting by the water, and mild stretching and yoga helped too. I also kept track of how much water I drank throughout the day. Limited or zero alcohol was a good thing since more than one glass of wine makes me feel depressed and anxious the next day. I took a multivitamin for women over 50 as well. I hope you feel better soon!
Hello. I am new but I felt I encourage you to take it easy. It happens to me sometimes but since you're aware where you are. Self mastery is encouraged not to loose control of our happening. These symptoms are there and they charge with time and the passes. We can't avoid them they're part of our development stages.
Kombucha is great
@helloNorth6450
Hi there! As I read through your story I got goose bumps and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up because I know EXACTLY what you are going through, having been in your shoes not all that long ago. I will tell you my story and I hope it will enspire and perhaps provide you with some options that may help get you through it...and you will get through it but no sense in suffering while in it, right?!!!!
When I turned 52 my periods suddenly got very heavy and clotty, lasting weeks at a time and then 2 months without and then another month long super heavy one. I thought, "I should be dead with this much blood loss". I was irrational, tearful, and like you, I took to drinking more than normal (sellf-medicating) which only made things worse. After 6 months of horrible periods, they stopped. Now, once you have not had a period in over a year...you are considered Post-Menapausal. But what "they" failed to mention is that POST-menopause does not mean its over yet...UGH!
That's when the hot flashes started and I gained 40 pounds in 2 months. I have never, never been heavy my entire life nor did I have a problem with weight. I was miserable and devastated. I went to my PC Doctor desperate for help. "What is wrong with me?" I asked her. She ran a blood test to check my hormone levels and discovered I had NO estrogen, progesterone or testoterone in my body. "Your hormone imbalance", she said, is what is wrong with you and it is causing irrational behavior and weight gain since estrogen is what breaks down sugars for women and without it, everything goes to fat."
she provided me with some options. I chose to try hormonal compound cream that was put together at a compound pharmacy where the pharmacist works with you and your doctors to review the blood work and formulate the right mix of hormones needed for me that I could rub a small dab per day on my forearm and muscle. I wanted less side effects which the creams offer. Within days of rubbing on the cream daily the hot flashes stopped and the weight is now coming off, slowly.
I used the cream for about 14 months and that was just 6 months ago...no more hot flashes, no mood swings, no weight gain...I made it through. the whole process from the beginning of the heavy periods to the stopping of the cream was about 3 years, give or take a few months.
I know that women do not all experience identical symptoms and the time frame for getting through it varies...I do feel that the most important thing to do that seems to shorten the time frame and symptoms is not just the hormone therapy but a combination of Exercise, Diet and Sleep, plus, body mind spirit...
I do hope that you can find some comfort and figure out what will help you best to get balanced. Your doctor and your pharmacist can be your best friend during menopause. Remember also, to be kind to yourself and when strong emotions come up for no reason, remind yourself, it is menopause talking.
I would be on the couch crying and my husband would say "why are you crying honey", and I yelled back, "I don't know, it's this menopause dang it!". and then we both broke out laughing...My friend has ADD and always says, "blame it on my ADD" so I started saying, "blame it on my MENOPAUSE" and then laugh about it.
