My miserable life.

Have you talked to your partner about your concerns and have you told him that you’ve slept with someone else?

First of all, in my opinion, (and guessing those 175/240 is your weight) you should learn to love yourself. When you’ve been with someone for long sex isn’t about the appearance anymore, is about how you make each other feel, and communication is key ❤️ the book: the sun and her flowers - Rupi Kaur, helped me to see myself in a different way.

@marnieray1977 Hello, I'm sorry you are having a hard time :( There are somethings I find interesting in what you said, I hope you don't mine me commenting. The first thing you mentioned was that you are supposed to be ordained. My ex-husband was going to to school to be a minister and had an affair with a baptist minister's daugher . . . so .. what exactly are you saying? That people who belong to the church "don't do these things". Everyone has their reasons. No one is perfect. I'm not trying to sound flippant, I'm really not. It sounds like your marriage probably has more issues than just sex, I'm guessing. I had a major eating disorder while my ex-husband was cheating on me. I weighed 115 pounds (5'7"), she was a WHALE. Weight had nothing to do with it. I am guessing you are lacking intimacy OUTSIDE of the bedroom as well. I guess my question is, do you want to save your marriage? If you do, you need to stop cheating NOW and get into counseling and find out what is wrong and fix it. If not, you both need to make that decision together. Boy, I hope I didn't stop of toe or get out of line. I just know that I wasted a lot of years trying to fix something that was unfixable. You need to do what makes you happy.

I was in a relationship and a lot of mind games were used on me if you do not mind me responding I feel that counselling is perfect and that being honest with one another helps build intimacy

@marnieray1977

The phrase "living right" kind of sounds nebulous. What does "living right" look like for you?

Despite what society or religion or anyone else tells us, we get to decide what "right" and truth is for ourselves. Because no one else is living our exact experiences or feels exactly the way we do about those experiences.

I have been on all 3 sides of the cheating triangle at various times and they all suck pretty bad. I (eventually) left the relationships when I realized that cheating was just the outward symptom of a much larger disconnect from my partners. We were fundamentally unsuited for each other but we were so afraid of being alone or starting over we just kept hurting each other rather than be mature adults and end it.

I can honestly say that I would rather be single than be in a relationship that harms me or others. That may sound cold or brutal but it's my truth and it took me a long time to get there. Boundaries and communication are tough skills to acquire but they are SO worth the effort!

Please keep trying and reaching out for help. That's what we're all here for, right?

@marnieray1977