Freak out makes me feel like crying
Hi, I live with a wonderful man. We have been together 4 years. He is loving and caring. The problem is that at least once a day when I am doing something in the kitchen or house and he comes around the corner, I freak out. Just a second but I scream loud and drop things, my heart beats really fast and then I want to cry. When this happens I make him jump too. He is afraid I might have a heart attack one of these days. Does someone have advise please?
@orangeCup1623
That sounds so scary! It also sounds like you don't like to be startled or surprised by anyone suddenly appearing in your space. You think you're safe and alone and when that turns out to not be true it's upsetting and unsettling.
Your physical response is (mostly) correct because a surprise might be a threat (yay, hindbrain reflexes). The emotional aftermath might be a result of the sudden dump of adrenaline and fight/flight/freeze hormones caused by the surprise and it's very normal to have a strong emotional response from those chemicals until they dissipate from your bloodstream. Think of other times when you've had a close call with something scary and how it took awhile to get back to your baseline normal emotional stability.
Since your husband is on board with helping you on this, maybe he can consciously be a bit noisier as he approaches your space, or knock and speak before entering to let you know he's coming in? That may sound wierd for partners who live together but it might do for a start.
If you want to know why you have such a strong response to being startled, maybe that's just the way you are. I am that way, too. I HATE surprises and get super defensive (sometimes a little angry, if it's called a "joke") about being startled. I have no childhood trauma or issues, it's just how I was built and that's ok. You're ok, too.
If you worry there's something underlying your startle responses, that might be something to work on with a professional therapist.
If you're concerned about a cardiac event because of this, please contact your physician and express your concerns. At the very least, they can do some testing and make sure your heart is healthy.
<3
