PTSD

My name is Deb...
I made the mistake of watching a movie today I never should have watched.
It was about a very young teenage girl who was gang raped by some school football payers at her school.
It was great that she had a father who stuck by her through it all.
Right now Im not feeling so good.

I started to cry even though I didn't want to.
I suddenly had flashbacks of when I was only 11 years old.
I was a runaway because my dad was an abuser.
At that very tender age I was brutally and violently raped by 3 grown men.
After the 1st two were done with me and had hurt me real bad, they turned me over to their friend who was older.
He approached me to take over where the other two left off.. But I was screaming and crying begging him not to.
He proceeded to rape and sodomize me with a knife blade to my neck.
This seemed like it went on forever.
I know neighbors had to have heard me screaming but no one would help me or even call the police. When he was done with me, he dragged me across the floor and threw me out the door on the front steps and shut the door.
I sas bleeding pretty bad and couldn't walk.
I laid there until dawn and forced myself up.. I was barely walking down the street.. Didnt even know where I was.
Thats all I remember.. Cant even remember what happened afterward and where I ended up.

But today when I watched that movie it all came back vividly.
No one was ever there for me through this and I never told anyone until I was grown.
But all these years I've suffered from nightmares and I've always had trouble sleeping.

Ive never found help. And in my town, unless you can pay a high price, there is no help.

Feeling very anxious and alone.
I have no one to talk to either.