Daughter (27) & Facebook
This has been on my mind on and off for while now. My wife and I are both in our 50s. Our daughter is 27, single and independant with a good job etc. My wife and I have a good relationship with her and her siblings (also flown the nest). She sometimes posts photos of herself on social media in provocative poses and really quite revealing attire. She looks after herself and I understand she's proud of her figure - we're proud of her in every way - but I can't look at her in these sort of photos without feeling uncomfortable.
My wife is more concerned about what's sometimes visible to friend and family. It doesn't bother her personally but she does appreciates why I sometimes find it hard. She's debating whether there's a way to diplomatically raise the issue with our daughter and if it's even a good idea - I've asked her not for now to avoid any awkwardness.
Am I being over-sensitive/unreasonble? I'm conscious that social media is part and parcel of the world we live in and fashions change etc. I don't get hung up about these things as a rule but with some of this more 'risque' stuff I admit I do struggle. I'm questioning myself in all kinds of ways for not being more at ease with it. Is it a good idea for my wife to have that conversation and what's the best approach (if any)?
Any thoughts/advice will be appreciated.
Hi @andanotherthing1965,
Cannot give you any advice but can give you my perspective being a daughter - in these situations communication can be key. Communication is an important component to keeping lines open for discussion. Talking and honesty helped me being comfortable with my parents and also openly talking about risky situations to prevent them from ever happening again. Hope this helps in some way…
@crystalclearnow
I'm not sure I'd be comfortable being part of the conversation but my wife is much better in that depatment. My only concern is that it would probably be easy for things to get taken out of context/mis-understood. Thanks for sharing your perspective, I appreciate it and it all helps.
@crystalclearnow
Thanks, appreciate ther kind words.
Hiya andanotherthing1965!
I understand that you are struggling with this and I commend you so much on your approach so far. Taking the time to think and discuss rather than "reacting" is really great to see!
It can certainly be challenging when your child does something you would prefer them not, but it is important to remember that she is an adult and has made the decision to post such content. It's unlikely she hasn't considered that friends and family can see it.
It sounds a little like you are unsure of why it makes you feel uncomfortable. If so, it is definitely worth the time and effort figuring out why that's the case.
Thank you for reaching out. Approaching it with such careful consideration really shows the respect you have for her!
Just to expand on one of my points.. it is worth the time figuring out why it makes you uncomfortable because it may be that the reason is something your daughter cares about too or that you can bring it up in another context so it isn't "about her" but in a more general case. It may also make it clearer whether it is something that you need to address yourself, rather than with her.
She is 27 years old. She, and all her siblings, are out of your house, and I am assuming living on their own without your financial support. Sounds like you did a good job.
Social media provides a forum for people to do things that they would otherwise never do. A "risque" photo on social media versus walking into a local restaurant wearing the same attire. Most folks would never consider walking into the restaurant, but the social media gets her attention from others. She is seeking attention. While her desire is for "good attention", I would guess that 98% of people that respond to the picture have ulterior motives.
I would talk with her, but not about the pictures. These are only to visible symptom of an underlying need to receive gratification from others. Maybe you can help her find her true value within herself. Help her to realize her worth is within her, not the opinions of others.
@andanotherthing1965its unsafe.and lowers self respect.
@inventiveFarm5285
Appreciate your honesty - that's one of my concerns too.
@andanotherthing1965 wow, this is a post from back in 2022 which is active back again. Interesting! So how did things turn out and did you have any conversations?
@navyAcai8433
The conversation wasn't necessary actually; things did settle down for a while. It seems it's one of those thing that comes back round periodically though.
@andanotherthing1965 I understand very much. To be honest, what is in someone's personality is very hard to change. It can be subdued but rarely it is so that it can completely reverse. I hope you have been feeling better about the whole situation! Let me know if I can be of help anyhow :)
@navyAcai8433. Thanks; it sounds like you'd make a great listener.
@andanotherthing1965 that's a compliment! But I am struggling with too many things myself to listen to many people now ☹️
