Psychology Today: Adult Loneliness Is Linked to Childhood Trauma
Childhood trauma can have lifelong consequences which vary depending on many factors, including the age of the original trauma, whether the trauma was an isolated event or chronic, the presence or absence of parental or primary caregiver support, the child’s natural resiliency, and the severity and duration of the trauma(s). Irrespective of the type of trauma, its consequences may leave long-lasting emotional wounds, which increase the risk of developing an attachment disorder in childhood, and the potential for adult relational trauma, including feelings of deep loneliness.
More than 58 percent of U.S. adults consider themselves lonely, even when in a relationship. Young adults are said to be twice as likely as older people to experience loneliness, with 79 percent of people between the ages of 18 – 24 claiming they feel lonely. Similarly, 42 percent of adults ages 18 - 34 stay they “always” feel lonely compared to only 16 percent of people 55 years old, or older.
Deep feelings of loneliness are commonly reported in histories of childhood emotional neglect. Signs of adult relational trauma and loneliness may include:
- Difficulty being alone–the constant need for stimulation or something to distract themselves.
- Difficulty understandings themselves or their emotional needs.
- Deep feelings of emptiness that may show up as ‘boredom.’
- Feeling worthless, or fatally flawed.
- People-pleasing.
- Toxic positivity.
- Inconsistent boundaries.
- Deep feelings of shame or guilt.
Loneliness Can Breed Further Loneliness
Childhood trauma is closely linked to many disorders including: social phobias, anxiety, depression, complex PTSD, and an increased risk for some personality disorders. These red flags may reduce a person’s ability to effectively socialize. Some may not want to make friends, while others may be ostracized or bullied, affecting their sense of worth.
Children who experience early trauma often have challenges connecting with others, or only feel that they are wanted if they’re “fixing” or “helping’ others.
Another factor that can increase feelings of loneliness is social media. Because social media makes it easier to avoid authentic connection with others, many adults who struggle with feelings of loneliness wind up negatively reinforcing their loneliness by “connecting” to others on social media. The more we turn to social media to fill a void in connection, the higher the risk of feeling lonelier.
Overcoming Loneliness
@comfortableNight4463 This all really makes sense! If you experience loneliness as a child, you probably don't learn the skills necessary to try and decrease that loneliness. Because of this, you will only increase your loneliness as you get older. Thank you for sharing this!
@fruityPond7887 Well-said!