A little lost
I feel like a think differently to everyone around me, I can read people within the first few moments of meeting them. I can tell when people are faking parts of their personality and pick up how I'm also ment to behave. I feel pretty lonely most of the time. Not saying what's on the tip of my tounge, as I don't want to be judged for my thoughts, that can be a bit a bit much or too honest for people. I care, alot, about people and life, but I always feel like I'm looking in on life from behind a screen, not quite able to live everyone's norm.
I have a happy life, a lovley home and husband, but I constantly second guess every moment of my existence and all the things I'm not doing, or if I'm living it authenticly to myself, or if I just have masked so much over the years I ended up here.
I internally pick myself apart, and get so overwhelmed I feel a burden, I feel like a missed the class that everyone else took on how to live or be a grown up. Everyone else in my eyes finds it's so easy. I wish I found it easy....
Thankyou for your words. 🧡
I do feel guilty, on an outward view I look to be a social happy person, I think that's why it's so lonely, I feel bad for feeling bad. Times I have tried to communicate how I can switch off from friendships or loved ones or how Ive never missed anyone or the fact I can't focus long enough to shower everyday or daily tasks overwhelme me so much I have breakdowns... people think your crazy or even worse it makes it even more clear that no one thinks like I do. Ive spent so much of my life molding to people around me I just worry I left parts of myself behind in the process, I'm re learning these traits now in my 30s, but it's an uphill battle. For a long time I didn't know I had ADHD, I knew I was different, new I felt and thought differently but didn't know why.
ADHD can be a strange world, I feel so self aware that it almost pulls me apart sometimes. I've done alot of work on my self over the years and do actively try to convince myself that my brain just works differently and that's okay, and I do love some parts about it, but jeez it would just be nice to be able to not have clothes covering my floor, or answer emails, make appointments but mostly message and keep friendships via text. You are right that everyone is also going through things and I shouldn't compare, but if I could wish it away, I would.
This is so relatable. Thanks for sharing 💕
