How do I stop over sharing and where can I get a filter?

@sadcat13 I also do this but I don't notice until someone tells me or I realise what time it is. I usually get quite embarrassed after I realise that I have done it yet again. I tried many things to stop but for some reason I just get lost in the conversation and forget about everything I was going to do to stop it. I hope you are able to find something that works for you! 😊

Hi, cat!

I tend to overshare too, especially when I'm nervous! But I guess I have it slightly more controlled now (only slightly xD).

I'd say that the first and most important thing is: don't be so hard on yourself. It's going to happen sometimes, and it's ok :)

From personal experience: doing small things that help me relax and slow down will also help controlling the amount of information I give. I specially like having a glass of water with me when I'm talking to people, I feel like the time I take to sip helps me calm down a little and think about what I'm going to say :)

@sadcat13 Story of my life, honestly!! It's so hard once the words start coming out, and I sometimes joke that I'm always the last person to know what I'm saying, since I'm hearing it for the first time through my ears and not in my brain before I say it 😅

To be honest, my medication has been the most helpful with this, since it helps me manage my hyperactivity, but I'm very privileged to be on medication and I understand that that isn't an option for everyone for a variety of reasons.

I would say that speaking mindfully is helpful. Easier said than done, obviously. I remember getting very annoyed at people who would tell me to 'think before I speak' cos I find that pretty impossible, and I think other people with ADHD also find it hard. Instead of thinking before you speak, sometimes it's easier to think while you speak. 

Whenever I remember, I make sure I sometimes ask myself things like 'is this something I'd like to talk about right now?'. The answer to that is often 'not especially... I think I'm done, actually', and that usually means I can stop before I get into the dreaded over-explaining my over-explaining cycle that causes me so much embarrassment. I can't 'un-say' things, but I can pause for a moment and then redirect the conversation once I've taken a moment to think about what I'm saying. 

I try to remind myself that I'm talking to people, not justifying myself to people, and that I'm in a shared conversation and not an interrogation or a presentation! I'm not a court jester, I'm not a stand-up comedian and I am not reclining on a sofa being psychoanalysed. You might have your own things you'd like to say to yourself, those are just things that are helpful for me. 

And like others have said, don't be hard on yourself, it happens. We've all been there! 

Hi sadcat,

I can relate, I'm sorry i don't have the advice or answer to your question as I'm struggling with this myself, however i can share one of the reasons why I'm like this maybe it's exclusive to me, growing up i never had a large number of friends, I'd barely had a single friend but they didn't stick with me, the longest friendship I've had with anyone was 2.5 years. Having little no friend, having no one that i can connect with have always made an "open faucet" for the next person i get attached to, it's difficult creating boundaries when it comes to sharing my vulnerabilities. For me lack of good friends, people who actually stick have made me open faucet, it's almost as if I'm yearning for a connection so much that it's natural response of my body to throw every piece of information, lived experiences or insecurities so that anything matches/relates with the next person in order to form any sort of connection.

Sometimes it’s easier to just stop and think abt things yk? I hope the advice helped!! <3

Thankfully most of my friends are adhd and we’re hopping all over in conversation but we never get to the point we wanted to make. It’s hilarious some days and other days it’s frustrating.

My biggest help to filter has been my partner. In social settings, he’ll gently put his hand on my thigh or gently touch my hand when I’m beginning to over share. I’ve deeply appreciated his insight as to which circumstances I’ve over shared and what to try instead next time. Way to often my brain is faster than my mouth, and i come off very rude to new people. He thankfully finds a way of wording things in the conversation to explain what I ACTUALLY meant, cause he always knows what I meant to say and that my intentions are never to be rude. He’s got my back thank goodness.

Thankfully his guidance has really helped me to over share less and less even in situations without him. He’s helped me learn the power of holding on to your own information, because it gives other people power over us if they so choose.

I’m a MUCH more private person having learned how overly trusting I am, and how mean the world really can be through recent harsh life experiences of my own and vicariously through my boyfriend as often tells me horrifying and almost unbelievable stories from when he was homeless and dating an abusive women.

Perhaps you don’t have a partner, but a safe friend can be just as helpful in social settings if you ask them to help you and can trust them to help you grow.

@sadcat13 I also have no filter, I speak alot, and open up to much probably. When you find a filter let me know 😟 ❤

Does it help to focus on your breath when you feel you’re about to say a lot? I trained myself to put my hand on my stomach and take a deep breath when I started feeling that urge.

@sadcat13 sorry, i have no tips for this, I actually NEED tips this 😅 i overthink every little word that I say and then panic thinking that I made a fool out of myself when no one really thought anything of it.