Husband has ADHD
Since I don’t have adhd it has been really hard to understand some things my Husband does or doesn’t. I am also suffering from a mental illness and fighting with it with medication and therapy. My husband on the other hand got diagnosed 8-9 months ago and barely did anything about it. We had lots of issues even before the marriage mostly about trust&abandonment but after some time it was his outbursts out of small things and even using my trauma in our arguments. When I told some things to my therapist even though she didn’t know he had adhd she also pointed out that it might be adhd. So apparently it is very visible just I don’t understand it. I wonder what I can do to leave the resentment and try to build a connection while still hurting. Idk whats from his diagnosis or what not. Do I just simply not take anything he says seriously that hurts me? Do I just assume he has my best interest eventhough many times it has been proven wrong? Now he says he is trying and also tries to make amendments for the past behavior but idk if it will last or even if he can without starting a medication for it. I came to here to understand and maybe see his side(not from him cause it turns to attacks). I also suggested him to join here and talk about his struggles.
What else for me to do here ?
Many thanks!
@JustHelper You should try to have empathy for what he struggles with, at the same time keep yourself from being hurt.
@JustHelper
Adhd is about a person being hyper and not able to control emotions properly.. it's generally not considered a game breaking illness.. with medicine and guidance he can improve dramatically.. But for now your stuck "waiting." What is he gonna do?? Whatever you decide it will be the right decision because your a responsible adult and i'm sure you know how to handle things in your life.. I wish you luck but you probably don't need too much luck because your out working on yourself and getting on a solid website like like this..🌲
You are doing well with your ability to communicate in your relationship.
Sometimes we’re wounded animals we lash out at those closest to us even though they try to help us.
Your husband seems to do this, but you seem to not expect it. I have had a wounded partner if you think they are working on things it is one thing if you think they expect you to live forever on egg shells lease you trigger there lash out response it is another.
You ask what to do. You want things from your husband get them from other people except when you feel safe from his lash out response. Focus on you.
See how following dynamics work:
You’re not ok I'm not ok. We’re both to blame i don’t need to do anything.
You ok I am not. I had better get it together sorting out my ***.
After I separated from a wounded ex (she would not acknowledge I loved her whilst we were separated) I missed the good bits and thought I should work on my *** so next time it would hopefully work.
