Not even sure what to put
I want to do things, big and small, but just don't. I feel like crap, but I still don't. Often times these things have severe long term consequences, and I still just don't. I beat myself up about not doing it, but I still just don't. Nothing gets me to just do it, not even when it's what I want. I have literally gone a day without food in the past, not because there was no food, or because I was busy, but because I just didn't eat. I wanted to eat, and in fact one day I had a choice between eating one of my favourite foods and being in pain from the lack of food, and I still didn't get up. This applies to every single aspect of my life, to varying degrees. When I've reached out to friends, they just call me lazy, and say that other people who have it worse were able to just do it, and they refuse to acknowledge that I want to.
@Plumpinator That sounds like a difficult place to be. Have you considered talking to a therapist, if that is a possibility? Nobody can know for sure, but it sounds like depression may be taking a toll in your life, and getting help is so important to your mental health. Take care, and I do hope you find answers and ways to counteract these struggles.
I will most likely be seeing a therapist in March, so hopefully I can work with them to explore my options. I appreciate you taking time to reach out :)
You're not alone. I've had ADHD and Depression before as well, and I know how hard it is. On their own, ADHD and Depression can both cause a lack of motivation to do the things we need to do. But in combination? The most basic of things become so incredibly difficult to do.
I know how frustrating it can be to know what you have to do and know what you want to do and still not be able to do them. I can assure you that it's not just laziness.
The worst part of ADHD and depression is that they're both internal struggles, and your friends and family cannot see what's going on on the inside. Everyone you know can only judge you by what they see and hear. They can't judge your effort, and they don't know how hard it is, so their analysis of you is incorrect and their advice is extremely unhelpful.
I've received the same feedback; "You're just lazy" "Stop complaining, others have it worse" "You're just not trying" I started to internalize these things. When I couldn't do the basic things I needed to survive, I called myself lazy and ungrateful.
I can guarantee you that of all those pieces of "advice" have helped me a grand total of zero times. I can't stress this enough: *You cannot shame someone into feeling better.* So disregard those things they've said. They can only speak from their own experience, not yours.
I can also guarantee you that even though you have a difficult journey ahead of you, it's not gonna last forever. I can promise you that. There will come a day where you get up and eat breakfast before the hunger pains start torturing you. There will come a day when living and surviving won't be such a chore on their own. Until that day comes, treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would treat someone else with. If you wouldn't say it to a friend or a loved one, don't say it to yourself.
Stay strong. It's a difficult road ahead but you're never traveling it alone.
