Utterly lost

I need some help. So I hope I can get some perspectives from others about options or what you might do in my situation. I don't have any real support in my mental struggles with a self diagnosed anxiety and depression issues. I want to get therapy but I feel like I never can go to Doctors or get therapy because of the cost. I am in a cycle of I feel like I can't function enough to work to afford therapy. And I don't want to be a burden on my significant other. So I just keep trying to cope and work and make some money to help us get by. I don't feel like we can afford me to not have an income. But he's always unhappy with me about it. I have been struggling more and more with handling the pressures of daily life and being able to function at all in life. I began trying to be more positive in a spiritual aspect and it has helped me be a bit more optimistic. But it hasn't solved all my issues and I often still feel like I just can't cope. I'm so frustrated because I want to achieve some goals that I feel like would help make life tolerable for me. But I have a hard time making those things happen. The work industry otherwise just at any old job doesn't feel like an environment I can handle. I end up having a pattern of working for about 6 months and the entire time my battery running lower and lower being more depressed and anxious until I just quit. I'm now at a job that I can somewhat tolerate because it is flexible and not too demanding on me. It gives me a lot more freedom that helps me deal better with life. But there aren't always enough hours I work. The work load fluctuates and often I don't have much to do. Which is easier for me of course but financially it is a hardship that gets us behind and unable to pay for everything. I have been trying to find a balance between work and life. So that I can be more at peace and have more time and freedom to feel ok with life. But also something that supports us financially. And it's been really hard. I'm always at one end of the spectrum or the other. One side is just a job I hate, getting no sleep and waking up early. Not liking what I'm doing and feeling trapped and insane trying to keep going while there is a figment me running around in my head crying and flailing their arms saying no more! On the other end it's more tolerable. More freedom and flexibility not minding too much what I'm doing but it being a financial issue that I feel like I'm being pushed to move on to something else and take on more work to make ends meet for money. I'm just feeling burnt out that I feel like I can never just be in life. Where I can live more and how I want to live life because money always seems to take away the good and tell me no I can't have that. Gotta to work more. Sometimes doesn't feel like there is much opportunity either for something better. The side of the spectrum I hate I don't see a fix for. I don't see fixing something I totally hate. But on the other end I see tweaking it to make a passive income to fill the gaps of work is a possibility. I just feel like I don't know how to make that happen. Because trust me I've been wanting to for a long time but there are so many legal steps it seems. And I have trouble putting in the actions. Sometimes.. I just feel overwhelmed and want to not work at all anymore. And maybe I could then work on my other goals and get some dang therapy some how, some way. But I don't want to be a burden by not working and causing more financial issues just expecting to be paid for by my significant other while I struggle, that we can't afford anyways. So please I'm sending out an SOS of why advice or something to maybe help me see something I couldn't before. I don't know what I expect to find from this. Just a shot in the dark. But hoping someone will know. Thank you for reading and for any kind words or help. 🙏❤️