Feeling of being discarded
I am working as a developer in India, in Noida, and I have around three years of experience. My company gave me a very difficult role where I had to handle the entire project and manage the resources. It was stressful, but people used to appreciate me for the way I handled everything.
About a month ago, a senior joined my project who has more than nine years of experience. He started joining the requirement calls with the client, and somehow, within a short period of time, all the focus shifted towards him. I felt really bad about myself. It made me feel as though I had been discarded by the client.
Firstly, this pain hurts so much because I don't really have a personal life. Whatever I have is mostly my professional life and want to be super duper perfect in it so that I can show face to society.
It hurts when I think that I don't have either of them. I feel completely worthless.
On top of that, I still feel that my career is meaningless because of the rejection I experienced in the past. I feel like there is no point in having money if I can't handle my emotions, my desperation, and my need to be loved. And, obviously, social media makes it even worse. I get hyper-focused on the idea that, "This is what women like in men, and you are not that person."
Then I think, "Even if I fix myself, that person is not going to come back."
There is a weird kind of shame that comes when I think about becoming better and handle my emotions. I can't express
@communicativeLemon3333
You have a touching story. You were put into a difficult role to start with. The fact that you stayed with it says a lot about you as a professional. I don't find it surprising that the client went with the most experienced person. It is understandable that you feel pain as to the way that you were blind sighted by their actions. You had put so much effort into the project. I understand how you want to be perfect so that you can show face to society. It seems that your self worth is tied to your career. You are doing a good job on your journey of explorating your feelings and emotions. I completely understand what you say about social media; it makes everything worse. So I am wondering, is it possible that you could remove the part about showing face to society and start just focusing on you? I worked for a large corporation and watched people cling and claw their way to the top. Funny thing, most of them were eventually fired. And then they moved on and started somewhere new. I am curious, are there other ways to get involved at your company to showcase who you are? Committees, groups, clubs or events? Also, outside of work, do you have any passions ,work out routines, or hobbies that you are interested in? Is it possible that you could somewhat shift your focus away from work and divert it into developing yourself ? You sound like you have so much to offer. Perhaps you are overlooking the fact that you are your greatest resource.
Hi, Thanks a lot for your message. Mostly I am struggling due to shame because of girl. But yesterday, I have an idea and I made a way to overcome it. So when I feel shame because of past or any kind of resistance in brain while improving myself, I imagine a seed inside my mind which is trying to break the boundary layer of seed.
This gives me sudden relief.
I may sound wierd but it is helping me, I am facing the issue/resistance/shame from almost 2 years.
May be because of wishes of you guys, suddenly this concept came to me.
By the way, I like cooking but because of career, I have stopped doing all the cooking.