VeryWellMind: Unlinking Your Self-Worth From Your Work

"A lot comes with the idea of a job title—the promise of a paycheck, a sense of fulfillment, power, and responsibility. And considering we spend almost a third of our lives working, it's easy to see how it plays a significant role in shaping our identity. Though, if not careful, it's easy to see how the line that separates our work identities and true identities can become blurred.

The very traits that propel high-achievers to take big entrepreneurial risks and lean into creative endeavors predispose them to strong positive and negative emotional states, making them more vulnerable to depression, feelings of helplessness, amotivation, and suicidal ideation.

Our society places importance on career achievement or high-status jobs which often trickles down into smaller social hierarchies and family systems. For many, career achievement is linked to gaining acceptance from parents, peers, or people who doubted them in early life.

Career success is often encouraged to be the ultimate life goal. This becomes so centralized that people may fear failure or rejection from their family or community if they don’t achieve on an extreme level. The paradox is that while this fear motivates their intense drive, it also isolates them from the very people they care most about.

High-achievers tend to be rewarded financially. They not only are able to afford materialistic possessions but are elevated into a social class that influences the experiences and people to which they have access.

To learn more about why we tend to link our self-worth to our work and the dangers of doing so, we sat down with Verywell Mind Medical Review Board member and clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD.

VW Mind: What are the dangers in tying our self-worth to our work, and could it ever be a good thing (i.e. having a sense of purpose, drive, etc.)?

Romanoff: If your self-worth is tied to what you do then all outcomes will influence your self-perception. They are often good at what they do, and as long as they are able to achieve and produce results, their self-worth remains sky-high. The trouble comes when they are unable to control the outcome of their work, unexpected developments arise, or they hit a rough patch. Career success is rarely linear, and when the inevitable stumbling blocks arise, they tend to experience a crisis in identity.

VW Mind: A controversial topic, but is it ever really possible to achieve a perfect work-life balance?

Romanoff: It is possible to achieve a work-life balance, but not all the time, and not all at once.

VW Mind: What are some not-so-obvious signs that your career is compromising your self-worth?

Romanoff: Criticism of your work is often internalized as a criticism of you as a person. If you find yourself constantly struggling to take in feedback as constructive and instead feel demoralized and dispirited you may be placing too much of your self-worth in your performance.

While work might only be part of your identity, you primarily present yourself through your work self and title. For example, when meeting new people you primarily talk about work and your responsibilities as a way to introduce yourself, during free time your thoughts are consumed with work situations, and all activities become secondary to your work life.

You find it hard to unplug and are constantly thinking about or checking in on work. Mentally, you are always at work, as you notice rituals like checking your work laptop each night before bed, or monitoring your phone for Slack or email updates.

Your relationships are distant, rocky, or tense. You either project your work stress onto your relationships or you are neglecting important people in your life to focus on work.

VW Mind: Do you find this has become more of a prevalent issue during the pandemic? For example, are people less inclined/able to be more productive or pursue more opportunities and are, as a result, harder on themselves?

Romanoff: Yes. While the pandemic provided more liberty in terms of where people are able to work, in many ways it reduced the boundaries between personal and work identities.

VW Mind: Outside of seeking therapy, what are some things we can do to regularly develop or boost our self-worth—both within and outside the workplace?

Romanoff:

Outside of work:

• Do things you enjoy, are good at, and build a sense of mastery—outside of the domain of work.
• Exercise and challenge yourself each day.
• Challenge negative thoughts.

At work:

• Remember that self-esteem is not a fixed trait
• Notice moments that trigger feelings of low self-worth at work and use them for deeper processing to learn what insecurity or challenge that situation is arising in you.

VW Mind: What is a healthier way that we can measure success in our careers, where we can enjoy what we do but disconnect from the idea of pressuring ourselves to meet an unattainable ideal of how “success” is supposed to look?

Outline your goals for your projected career growth or path. This helps with instilling feelings of progression and will protect against concerns of being trapped in your position.

VW Mind: What are some self-care practices our readers can incorporate regularly after a long day’s work?

Romanoff:

• Move your body: Either go for a walk, schedule a workout class, or take a run.
• Take a break from screens: Don’t replace the computer screen you’ve been staring at all day with your television or phone when you clock out.
• Engage in an activity that capitalizes on non-work-related skills: For example, cook a meal and share it with your partner or friend, listen to music, or go to an event."

Read the full article here!

Reflection:

How much of your self-worth is tied to your work performance?

#SelfWorth #WorkPerformance #MentalHealth