Work life

So I’ve had a thought about my work life. I left school with nothing, went to college and dropped out. But I’ve got maths and English GCSEs with a level 3 plumbing qualification. I was talking to my work colleagues about our work and our company, things got a little bit out of hand and I got a little heated. It was “banter” but at my expense yet again. It got me thinking, if I were to leave, where would I go? I have no idea what I want to do, I don’t think my “qualifications” if you can call them that, would get me far. I’d like to learn a bit about electrics, but I don’t want the same thing to happen when I was an apprentice plumber. Then I thought I’d like to go into learning about being a software engineer? I have no idea what any of it means and I don’t have the degrees to start so that’s a no.

If I’m honest, I’m a little scared. I’m the lowest of the lowest here, I’ve been told that I am, either in banter or harsh truth. I don’t have a great reputation with the CEO, doesn’t matter how many times I try and tell my side of the story, my work colleagues don’t listen and take the *** out of me. My name moved around the trust quickly, as people who didn’t work where I did, found out and started talking about me. So that’s great. This specific thing happened about 2 years ago, it wasn’t anything serious, but from what happened, knowing that the CEO doesn’t like you or want you in the same work place as them, she definitely made sure I wasn’t going to be around for much longer.

I’m trying to be positive about where I am. I’m grateful for where I work, some people don’t have a job. But I’m also not happy. I’m trying to not get frustrated or upset about peoples opinions. I get things like “Gen Z” “Woke” or just some hateful *** thrown at me. I can’t say something because “snitches get stitches”. I try to take things with a pinch of salt, but I can’t do it. I am soft, I am an easy target. I don’t find it funny anymore. The same jokes over played, the same torment over and over again. Knowing where you stand with people, which for me is below everyone. It’s like I don’t have a voice. But as soon as I pull away and put a barrier up, I’m not myself and I’m making the team depressed or bring people down with me. So I don’t know how I’m meant to feel. Im already struggling as it is, trying to get back on my feet and now this. It’s a battle and a learning experience I suppose. 

So I’m stuck of what to do

The pros:

The pay is great for my age

The work is easy

I travel about 15 minutes to get there

The cons:

I’m the lowest ranked member

I get every *** job going

I’m not exactly happy where I am

I can’t progress as there isn’t anywhere to progress

The work load you get when you become more important doesn’t match the pay