feels like i'm losing my mind

i can't remember the last time i didn't feel stressed.

i was a precocious child, who never got to actually grow up as a child. with lots of unresolved trauma.

as a teenager i wasn't allowed to go anywhere besides work and school and lived in a toxic household.

now i'm in my early 20s and i'm at a job i hate, in a house that isn't mine, with mental and physical issues popping up like whack a mole, everytime i get one thing done, another issue pops up.

i am exhausted of trying and fighting, i just want to move to the countryside and disconnect from traditional life of working and living in my phone, i want to live a life where i explore the world and make connections and can just live freely. i get so worked up talking about why i hate working.

i just have a lot going on at once and everything is shouting at me demanding my attention and i can't focus on everything i need to get done at once. but i don't feel i'll be happy until i get all the damn moles whacked.