Back down the rabbit hole
So I’m 20 years old and I’m a college student. Since everything has been moved online, I decided to just move off campus and live at home for the foreseeable future. I was lonely at school and wanted more support. I have it, but my mom is an alcoholic and my dad is depressed too, so I feel like I’m just an extra source of stress to them.
I don’t want to do classes next semester since I’m unhappy in my major. I want to withdraw for a while and work or do an internship or volunteer. However, 1) I find myself so incapacitated by depression and anxiety that I hardly leave the house, and 2) I don’t think my parents want me stopping school. I’m a junior now, but it makes no sense to me to keep spending money if it won’t pay off.
I got very close to taking my own life a few nights before I left the dorms for good, so that’s when I knew I needed help again. Give me anything you got. Honestly—I can barely get out of bed in the mornings. It’s like déj vu to high school, but worse.
@diplomaticCurrent4537. Wow. You're really going thru a lot right now. Im Im sorry and I know how it feels to be close to taking ones own life. It's horrible. I did get past it and you will too. Parents, school covid, depression, anxiety. Please don't go thru this alone. Does your school have on line councelling? Most do. Check it out tomorrow. Is there a crisis center near where you live? There are resources available. And stick with 7 cups, there's always someone here.
Is living with your family the only option? Could you live with friends or other students?
If you hate your major change it. Lots of people find thier interests change as .they go thru college. Your schools career councellers can help. I know all this must feel overwhelming too.
Your life is valuable and worthwhile. You are valuable and worthwhile.
Please get help. Things can improve.
@Riverswancycnus
There might be crises centers near here and I’ve considered checking myself into the hospital, but never have. I just got done with a bunch of surgeries last year and things were going smoothly until COVID hit. I don’t wanna go back to being an inpatient.
And nah, I’m pretty sure I’m home for good. I moved all my stuff out from campus. If I really wanted to, I could have my parents move it all back and get a new room, but I just didn’t wanna be there anymore.
The thing is that I hate my major, but I’m not sure what I want to change it to. I just feel so paralyzed, like I can’t make any decisions. And like I’m no good to anyone.
Hello
Sorry to hear about your situation. These current events are heavy on everyone. It's great you have that support. I can't imagine how it must feel to be stuck in this indecisiveness while at the same time thinking you are a burden on your family. It is your parents job to help support you in any capactiy they can. Feeling as if you are now causing them problems only adds to the load.
While I can't make judgemnts, if you feel you are unable to perform well in school like this, then maybe doing what you really want to do would be best.
Best of luck. No one everyday it was going to be easy