Depression Support Chat (9/2/2015)
Amelia
September 6th, 2015
This was the fourth of a series of Wednesday night (10p EST) guided discussions in the Depression Support Room--feel free to join us next week! Tonight's discussion, Depression in Everyday Life, was attended by both members and listeners! Below is a summary of the questions as well as some of the responses (for confidentiality reasons, I chose to leave member/listener names off of the specific quotes):
(1) On a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would you rate the way youre feeling right now? Can you explain why you feel this way right now?
----Answers ranged from 3-10; majority around 5
----10 because I just survived 2 years of *** and now I know I can take on anything life throws at me. I hope that you guys will feel the same. You are all worthy.
----5 because I cant sleep but Im doing homework…and, well, Im awesome so of course Im always a little happy.
(2a) To what extent does depression affect your physical energy levels?
----Omg I have no energy ever.
----Depends on how bad my mood is, sometimes I have no energy or motivation and sometimes I feel like I can actually accomplish daily tasks.
----I sleep all day…basically every day….so it affects my energy levels a lot.
----I cant sleep at all….Im always tired and weak.
----I always feel like I want to lay down and take a nap. Even if I just got up.
----I am on 'cannot sleep' part….but if I am sad or crying I sleep like a baby.
----Personally, I tend to be on the sleep too much end.
----It affects mine a lot. Sleeping seems to be an issue too.
So, our moods impact how much or how little we sleep? Is that what we're thinking everyone?
----Definitely.
----Yeah definitely.
----Definitely true for me.
----For sure.
----Yup….well, Depression makes me sleepy and PTSD makes me not sleep.
(2b) To what extent does depression affect your emotional energy levels?
----Depression makes my emotional energy nonexistent.
----My emotions are usually leveled weirdly….I mean, sometimes Im overly emotional but usually Im just the same.
----Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I can't handle anything I break down crying and feel like I can't move other times I'm just kinda indifferent.
----Oh, I have some major mood swings so idk.
----depression + anxiety + stress = whirlwind of energy drainage
(3) What are your experiences with caring for others (e.g. friends and family) while struggling with your own depression?
----I prioritize others problems over my own.
----I get overwhelmed by everyone's problems.
----I feel like I isolate myself. I don't want to think about anyone else's problems. I just want to get through my own struggles and then see what energy I have leftover. (Usually none!)
----It's hard to keep friends I'm always willing to listen to their problems but the moment I start talking about mine it's "to depressing" and they don't want to hear it anymore I want to help people to prevent them from feeling like I do but sometimes I need help too.
----Other people's stress stresses me as well.
----For a moment I think I get mine's forgotten while Im trying to help others.
----I get overwhelmed by everyone's problems.
So, does anyone think that it is easier to care for others because its a distraction or harder because you have more on your mind?
----Harder.
----I just ignore my own problems for the most part so I don't know….easier for me.
----It depends on the day.
----It depends on the context.
----I think sometimes its easier to offer support than to get into my own problems.
----It can be easier if you have the energy to spare. But for me its usually way more difficult.
----I think it's usually difficult for me. I like helping, but I have to monitor my own mood carefully.
----I guess it's overwhelming when others have the same problems as I. It kind of accentuates it all.
(4) How do you feel about the effect depression has on your relationships?
----Well it hurt my relationship with my boyfriend until I got help but mostly because I was so sad.
----I hate what depression has done to my relationship with my boyfriend.
----I don't have any friends anymore so depression effects my relationships negatively.
----It has a negative effect and it tends to hurt all my relationships.
----I feel like a burden on my boyfriend. He's the one I usually talk to and vent and sometimes I get upset and take it out on him which isn't fair so then I try to just bottle it up and it makes it harder.
----It makes me feel like a burden because I can't deal with my own problems and be there for others.
----It distorts my views of people and relationships.
----Well, also it seems to effect the person we are with, they might not feel they can help.
So, what do we do when we feel like a burden? I know that I push people away (even if I don't mean to!).
----I push people away and/or avoid them.
----I definitely push people away.
----I tried pushing my boyfriend away, he kept stopping me from doing it.
----I end up bottling things up and not talking to people until I almost explode on someone which is really, really bad.
----I apologize and call myself a burden to his face hoping he'll tell me otherwise. He usually does, but I still don't believe it.
----I try and hide my depression, I just isolate when Im really depressed so I don't feel like a burden. But I feel like Im letting people down by being absent.
----I subconsciously push people away while sending out little subtle hints of ‘help me, I need your support.
(5) If there was one thing you could say to your closest friend/relative, what would it be?
----YOU ARE LOVED. Plain and simple.
----I'm so sorry for everything I put you through always upset and crying for no reason. I just can't help it, you've done nothing to cause it I do love you very much and it isn't your fault I can't help how I feel.
----"Im sorry Im so difficult….I know its hard to deal with me and Im sorry I cant be perfect for you….like how I see you."
----If I'm distant or not around... it's not about you, it doesn't mean I don't care. It's that I'm trying to deal with this, its about me. I love you no matter what, but in that state I just don't know how to ‘be.
----I would tell my best friend that I miss her. She doesn't talk to me anymore. She's depressed too and she pulls away. Or at least I think that's what's happening. She may just be avoiding me.
----I'm sorry I've been avoiding you and hurting your feelings and that it looks like I don't care but I do.
----I'm so sorry that I'm a pain, I'm sorry I'm so sad. Thank you for tolerating me, thank you for sticking by me. Thank you for loving me through it.
----Yes, I wish we could just say I'm depressed and there was not stigma attached….that it was just something normal to talk about or say.
----Thanks for being there for these poor hearth for giving good moments and dreamings.
Do you think anyone ever fully understands if they haven't been through it?
----I wish my boyfriend could understand.
----If you haven't been through it, I don't think it's possible to fully understand. No matter how close you've been to it.
----I don't think you can understand if you haven't dealt with it. A person wouldn't have a reference point.
----Yeah, my boyfriend hasn't had depression but has dealt with it either in past relationships or with his own mom so he's learned to separate his feelings from my action he understands I can't help it and don't mean it if I get upset with him and he tries to help but he also understand it isn't fault.
----It'd be like me trying to understand someone who deals with schizophrenia. I could never fully understand.
----I mean some people are very empathetic and can understand a lot, but never fully.
----I can cut my finger, and you can say "ow that looks painful" but you dont feel the pain, so you dont know.
(6) How does your depression affect your ability to build relationships with new people?
----I tend to have walls up so it's hard to make new friends I'm always paranoid that they won't like me or think I'm annoying so I don't try as hard to make new friends for fear of rejection.
----Im very weary on trust with new relationships, also depression makes me not wanna try and just be by myself.
----I don't build relationships with new people. I'm too closed down that I can't give anything or really relate.
----I get closed on my own and be opened for 1 or 2 person when I am on that mood.
----Honestly, I am usually too tired from dealing with the people I know to try to fake a smile for people I dont know.
----Sometimes it makes establishing relationships harder. I'll think "oh man what should I say? Theyre gonna think I'm weird if I'm quiet... that ties into my social anxiety.
----When I try to build new relationships it goes fine, but I can't get really close to them. I just push them away.
----A lot of friendships fell to the wayside when depression really hit me.
----Superficials are fine, but can't make other close friends. I do have mine, but still, I always feel like I'm heavy to them, and when I try to know now people, I just can't.
(7) What challenges does depression bring to everyday commitments, such as work or school?
----Well school, it kinda motivates me….weird I know….I feel if I learn more, Ill feel more confident.
----Some people will work like 10 or 12 hrs a day. There's no way I could do that, just not in me.
----I can't cope with work or school commitments. It's really difficult and draining.
----I get so overwhelmed with school and work sometimes I feel like I have so much to do and no time to do it all or that I'll never be good enough so I won't advance in my career or be anything more than B student.
----I dont leave the house very often….which means I dont work.
----I always get late to work, I feel better working cause my mind gets full and I don't have to deal with myself, but it's a challenge to get up from bed.
----I hate to quit my job because it was contributing to my depression.
----I don't have a job. I quit months ago because of stress. If I still had a job, I'm sure I'd have lost it. I can barely get myself dressed once a week for church.
----I feel incompetent because I cant even get myself to work.
----My job actually helps me, having something to fill my mind.
(8) How well do you manage simple things, such as eating and sleeping healthily?
----I don't manage. Lol. Not sure if that's an answer.
----I dont sleep much.
----I don't manage either.
----My appetite lately has been nearly nonexistent. It's so impossible to eat. And I sleep too much, but that's not as bad as not eating. For me anyway.
----Eating is not a problem for me, but I don't sleep more than 5 hours every day.
----I can eat healthy but sleeping is always a struggle I have to take a supplement just to be able to sleep.
----I would like to say I manage, but I cant.
----Um...I cant sleep a lot so it makes eating not fun. Like I eat a fair amount, not always healthy. Thats an area I want to improve on.
----It's extremes….sleep a lot, sleep a little….eat a lot, eat so I don't pass out.
----My sleep is awful.
----Everything just goes down the drain when you have depression because you just don't care enough. A sickness against its own self.
----My depression and anxiety definitely keep me from eating.
----I over eat when Im depressed and over sleep.
Does knowing that you have these things in common with one another help? To know it's not "weird" to feel/act this way?
----It helps to normalize it. Make it easier to talk about.
----It doesn't actually.
----It helps a ton. I didn't know if I really had depression until this week. Now I realize I've had it for a long time.
----It's nice to have things in common and talk with people about it but it's hard to find these people and everyone depression is unique to then so sometimes I feel like it helps knowing people are like me but sometimes I still feel like I can't be understood if that makes any sense?
----I'm usually pretty okay with how I feel. I know it's fairly common. Sometimes I get that "what's wrong with me?" Thought process going.
----My therapist keep telling me that group therapy is good for that and what not but I don't care about what they're going through. Not that I don't care about them as people.
(9) What would you say your biggest everyday struggle is with depression? What do you find the most challenging to deal with?
----My lack of sleep.
----Waking up.
----Feeling like I just exist and nothing more.
----Not eating. Feeling hopeless and bored and stuck. Not being able to eat is awful though.
----Social anxiety and fear of failure.... its improved but those are still pretty big.
----Fear of failure.
----Waking up and motivation to go to work is the worse for me.
----What helped me a little was to realize that even "normal" people struggle with the fear of failure.
----Depression doesn't have a quick and straight solution.
(10) In the beginning we asked you to rate how you were feeling on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best. How would you rate how you're feeling now, after everything we've discussed?
----Answers ranged from 4-8
Thanks to all who participated....hope to see you again next week. All are welcome to join--please check the community calendar for a list of guided discussions occurring in the Depression Support chat room!!
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