Emotionally Lost
Hey everybody currently in a situation they I once again brought on myself. For so long I never been the type of person that could express feelings I put those in my pocket ever chance I get and I just drown my self in alcohol forgetting It’s still gonna be here when I’m sober and now it’s just a process that’s continually being repeated . This what I do and have always done I’m 28 and I can say I this is the way I have been since 16 .I constantly have negative thoughts about myself but would never tell anybody. And the people that provide me the space to vent I never do. I have this feeling of I don’t really love myself so I tend to hurt people because I would rather hurt my self it’s like I’m chasing pain. I don’t ever feel as though I’m good enough for peoples love and I can’t seem to get rid of this emptiness that I hung over myself. I I truly lost who I am. I want to change this belief I have about myself . I have tried many times to be better than what I have been and boom I make another poor choice and back to square one. Back to drinking and I can’t stop. I want to forgive myself for not truly caring about myself. I feel like I’m all out of options and this is just probably the way I am
@toughTree5028
hi tree, welcome to 7 cups and depression support. we're so happy you're here!
i'm so sorry to hear about your situation :( it sounds really tough, and i completely understand why you feel the way that you do. having negative thoughts about ourselves and ending up hurting people due to chasing pain can make things really hard, and it can feel nearly impossible sometimes that we are deserving of love, but i can assure you that you are. i hear you, it can be so hard to express our feelings sometimes - pushing down our emotions and using unhealthy coping mechanisms can give us some sort of comfort in the beginning, but it can definitely make things worse and harder in the long term. resorting to substances such as alcohol can help numb some of those feelings, but there are also lots of other coping mechanisms out there that can help vs hurt, and you're completely right - alcohol will still be there when you're sober! if you'd like to check out the alcohol addiction support sub-forum in the addiction subcommunity, please feel free to click HERE. recovery is not a straight line - it's okay and normal to relapse when we are on the road to becoming sober. venting to people we know personally can be a challenge for sure so i totally understand why you may not vent to those who have offered a venting space, but i really hope that 7 cups can serve as a safe place for you to vent anonymously and get support! we're all here for you and i am so proud of how far you've come and that you want to forgive yourself. there are always more options and all of us on 7 cups care about you and are here for you <3