I feel dead inside

I've struggled with depression off and on over the years but I've managed to get through it. It helps to have distractions. Something to take my mind off my problems but lately I just don't really feel like doing anything. I can't even really enjoy things like my favorite shows anymore because the things that normally bring me some level of happiness like my hobbies just bring me anxiety instead. I just feel dead inside.

My energy is depleted and I'm often finding myself laying in bed all day to pass the time. To numb the pain. Hoping that I'll somehow feel better or some level of normal. My fear of death prevents me from suicide but I barely feel alive at this point. I do believe in God but it really feels like he doesn't care.

I've talked to a therapist of course but I don't really think they understand. I've taken medications but not only have they not helped but some have actually made me feel worse. One in particular was Risperidone which I stopped taking recently. Makes me hesitant to want to try anything really.

I keep hoping that maybe I'll feel better tomorrow but that doesn't seem to be happening. I just don't know how much longer I can endure this feeling.