I wish I could change
I'm 21 years old, since 16 dealing with depression. The first time and only I looked for help it was when I was 18, even though I was diagnosed with depression and trauma my family never believed I am sick, saying I was just sad and that's what life is. So I've never looked for help again, knowing everyday is a fight against myself and what my mental illness put me through.
It has been 2 weeks I think looking for help, but I never do because maybe tomorrow I'll be better, sometimes I do feel better however not happy.
By each day I feel my emotions losing control, I don't understand my feelings like I used to. Everything makes me mad and I get clingy to someone when they give me attention. I don't know how to demonstrate feelings anymore. It's hard to say sorry to people because I feel remorse about something I don't know. I can't control my anger when people don't understand what I want to say. The more I think, more issues come to mind.
But tomorrow will be better
@Martax
Hi Martax,
Sorry to hear you are struggling with depression, and that your family wasn't supportive. Proud of you for reaching out here, it takes bravery to do that.
I can relate to that feeling of "maybe tomorrow I'll be better" and avoiding seeking help because of it. My story's a little the same, trying to get help at 19, then going on my own til 23 (didn't figure out about truama til later). Depression is real, it's more than feeling sad, and can include anger and other confused emotions like you describe.
Depression is like a wheel barrow rut. If you go down it so many times, it gets deeper, and it's harder to get out. But it's okay to ask friends to help, and sometimes we can't even get out with out help. It's not a one and done thing - some days we are in the rut and somedays we are not. The important thing to remember is that it is not forever, and there are a lot of people who are willing to help when you get stuck. They might think you are on the same path and doing okay, so it's good to speak up and say "Hey, I'm stuck in this rut - can you help me get out?"
I know for me I feel guilty asking for help, but I always feel better having support. It's okay to ask for support (I have to tell myself this everytime).
You are not alone. Your happiness matters, and it's okay to seek help. I believe you can change, and you've taken a good first step towards positive change by talking about what you've been through/are going through. Thank you for sharing your story here.
