Living 2 lives

Okay first of all be very clear abt one thing that the only reason you have to put up another happy seeming personality is failure on the part of your near and dear ones.. it's them who could never make you feel comfortable enough to be you on both your best as well as worst days.. so 2ndly.. the fact that you mentioned that you wish to be understood but aren't ready to risk explaining yourself is really NORMAL.. bcz often at times the people you will speak to abt your problem will instead of helping you to get rid of it will rather judge you for creating it in the first place.. (like when few frnds turned against me bcz of the girl i loved.. one of my so called cousin sister was like the problem is with you why do love any girl at the first place.. at an age where you should be focusing on career) ... so telling someone everything doesn't always help either.. BUT you should still try to do that with someone you consider the most understanding and hope that you have a better luck than mine.. bcz all this time anyone absolutely anyone who has heard my story or has shown willingness to listen me has only and only done so in order to analyse me break down and understand my words at micro level only for one single purpose.. to score points on me in arguements or in worst case develop a wrong idea abt me in everyone's mind.. but you won't have to suffer this way i believe.. so try and test if anyone would be 4 u what u need the most right now..

3rdly i don't know if it's worth or not but it's not something you can get rid of easily.. In this world poetic people often seem to comfort us in our painful times by writing stuff that everything we go through builds us into something better and like if we don't go through pain in our lives we will remain weak... i Don't actually agree with them it seems more like some people had tp go through tough times in their lives.. which made them STRONG as they call it.. Now deep within they held a grudge towards the world and felt jealous of anyone who was never made to fall in his journey so they themselves set up hurdles in the path of such people and justified it with the fact that these difficult situations will build strong people.. while all they ever actually doing was satisfying their evil soul that couldn't stand the fact that they had to suffer while others didn't... So i DON'T THINK IT'S WORTH IT.. but just like any other experience you'll gain something out of it.. suppose in absence of such situations you were working on some skill? you'd learn Smthing then too.. but a lot of people want you to go through the same depression thing and become strong as per their idea of strength..

4th stay happy..when you pretend to be happy while everything tries to make you sad.. after a Certain time this thing that started as pretention itself becomes your real self.. and it ruins people's moods to see that someone is so happy every now and then irrespective of anything that happens to him.

We have all been in your shoes. How are you feeling now? What kinds of things are you doing to care for yourself? Have you considered some outside help?@CotaSA