depression and dementia caregiving
I have had an inherited serotonin type depression for all of my life but it wasn't diagnosed until my late 50s. In those years I was able to manage my life by pulling myself up by my bootstraps. When it started affecting my business and marriage I sought professional help and the diagnoses was made. Retired at 67 and decided to do things I missed in my life due to the depression and my work ethic. Now eleven good years later my wife is on the path of dementia. I will do whatever is necessary for my wife and family but it has eliminated many of the things that made me happy in retirement. Now I find that some days I need stronger meds and other days really need the "cocktail hour". I pray. I know where the dementia is going and have prepared my helpful children. But I don't know how to fight off the ever increasing depression. I am not suicidal.
@tzvecl The first thing I want to say tzvecl, is that I'm very glad you were able to obtain treatment for your depression after a lifetime marked by it, and that you've been able to enjoy some years of respite in your retirement. I am deeply sorry to hear of your wife's dementia diagnosis, and the resulting radical change in the life you had planned. Please do not underestimate the effect of both 'mourning for your past self' - and the opportunities lost through years of your own illness - in addition to the real grief we experience when our future plans will no longer be realised in the way we had envisioned. As a caregiver, you have valid emotional needs, and you've mentioned an increasing depression. In addition to your children is there anyone else around you as a support network, or professional you can reach out to? One way to help in navigating the demands of caregiving and the emotional strain we come under is to marshal all the connections we can - dementia and caregiver support groups are one very useful resource here. I've linked below to some further information on obtaining practical support. Please be compassionate to yourself, tzvecl - what you're doing shows amazing resilience and courage, and you are not alone here on the forums.
@DemiMondaine Thanks for the advice. I've done this with my father, mother, and two aunts and now my wife. In a way this is the easiest since we live together. My duties as a husband and caregiver are relatively easy with the experience I have. I miss her not being able to think of me being her partner in life. Enjoying the things we enjoyed. Now she doesn't care or not willing to make the effort. I guess in a way I am lonely.
@tzvecl@tzvecl I'm sorry to hear you've had to go down this path before; being a caregiver previously to family and now to your wife, which brings the specific and acutely painful sense of loss of a life shared together, and the memories of things she no longer feels able to participate in. It is the tragedy of dementia that we lose the person we love while they're still alive, and it creates that unique sense of loneliness the you mention. The forums are here for you, as are our listeners and chatrooms: I'm hoping you can find support here as you navigate through this.
As always, the forums, chat rooms and listeners are here for you.
You are a very strong person dear. More power to you.
