34 and alone

I cry every day. I dont have motivation to do anything. I hate my job. Im sad. Im so so lonely. Most days my phone doesnt ring. Im too anxious to go out anywhere and ive stopped going to the gym. I get results tomorrow on whether the pre cancer cervical cells have returned again after I already had a traumatic leep procedure in 2019. It took 6 months to recover because of negligent doctors. Im scared. Im alone doing all of this. I cant go anywhere because my budget is so limited. Im taking melatonin or cyproheptadine just to sleep most days and nights. 

Therapy does not work for me. Nothing works. Nothing helps. Im so tired of being sad and alone all the time.

I have no kids. I have no family to talk to. I have no significant other. I have no friends who understand because everyone has their own problems and only reach out if they want to borrow money that I barely have for myself. 

Noone ever checks to see how im.coping when in reality its gets so bad that I dont clean my apartment for months or even put sheets on my bed. 

I love me. I enjoy my own company and do solo dinners, solo travel but the loneliness is killing me now. Its eating me up inside and noone even cares or notices that I am crumbling. 

I live in the bahamas where noone ever cares about anyone else but themself.