6/29/23

So, Got to talk to my new lawyer today bout disability, was just a consult and to fill out paper work. Another long wait ahead of me to get a hearing, and go through more humiliation of having to explain how my life sucks, why it wont get better and why I need financial help. An the financial help is nothing I can live off either.

what a joke.

I hate this so much.

I'll barely get by with disability and food stamps. barely money for gas, no money for home repairs if i ever needed it. on an on an on.

And then, let's pretend I get an inheritance, or sell my home and down size to something more affordable. Then Social Security reduces payments based off the $$ in the bank. slow claps.

I can't even afford to be poor!

I don't get it. I do not get, how I am to even come close to being upbeat and hopeful for a better life. All my life, I have been down on myself, I never wanted to make it to my 40s I never planned for a life or a career and now I slipped into poverty on top of my mental health issues. An the one time I did try to make a career, I had a jerk manager, rail road me out of a career, all for his own ego.

After everything I have gone through, I should be one of those people who ends up on the news, as a " Disgruntled Employee" who was living in a trailer making dope and had a cache of illegal firearms.

But nope I aint. An what good is it doing me to walk the straight and narrow? Not like I could make a life for myself by being a criminal, but still.

I got no one in my life who is in my life daily, and if I fall off the face of the world, it would be days before my family called to check on me. not that i'd do that to my family but still.

I hate this so much, I should be trying to find someone on Eharmony but, I feel really anxious about putting myself out there, and then going even further to meet a woman and not be hella awkward.

i m just rambling.....