Abused and lost
Hi, I'm Abby, 17M, and I'm from Syria. I just wanted to share a little about my situation and explain some of the things that have shaped who I am today.
It all started when I was around 14. I was struggling quite a bit in school, barely getting decent marks on quizzes and class tests, and generally not performing as well as I wanted to. Over time, I started losing the confidence I once had in myself.
Unfortunately, things at home didn't make it any easier. My dad has a history of being physically aggressive towards me, while my mom often gets involved in arguments and sometimes makes situations worse. There's honestly a lot more I could talk about, but I don't have the energy to explain everything right now.
I'll just focus on what's been happening recently.
A few hours before joining this app, around 4 AM, my dad and I got into an argument about how I managed to afford a gaming monitor and keyboard. I've owned both for over a month, and he's already seen them before, so I didn't really understand why it became an issue. I barely said anything because I was already dealing with the loss of a friend, but the argument still affected me quite badly.
It also brought back memories of another argument we had around four months ago concerning some supposedly stolen money. That situation escalated, and my dad became physical with me, causing me to hit my head against a wall. Things got so overwhelming that I eventually broke down and told him about a previous serious mental health crisis I'd experienced. His response was extremely hurtful, and I honestly haven't been able to forget it.
I remember suddenly going quiet after that. I eventually composed myself, went back to my room, and tried to carry on as though nothing had happened. Neither of my parents really acknowledged what had happened or how much I was struggling.
Since then, I've become increasingly withdrawn. I barely interact with my parents or siblings anymore, and I mostly keep to myself. I find it difficult to communicate with them, especially after everything that's happened.
I've already been dealing with a lot mentally, but experiencing this kind of treatment from my own family, the people I'm supposed to feel safest around, has made everything considerably harder.
My emotional state has been getting worse lately, and some of the difficult thoughts and feelings I've experienced in the past have started returning. There are days when I genuinely struggle to see a way forward, but I still want things to get better. That's partly why I've decided to reach out here and see if I can find someone willing to listen and help me work through everything.
I'm not expecting anyone to magically fix my problems. I just want somewhere I can express myself without feeling judged, and hopefully find some understanding and support.
Sorry for the long paragraph. I just had a lot on my mind and needed somewhere to let it out.
@affectionateSquare5576
It sounds like your living in a toxic environment..
I'm sorry to hear your isolating to regain your composure.
Anybody can become a negative force, your parents seem to now be a significant problem in your life now.
We have listeners here also who you can chat with to support you.. Your not alone when we're here to get you to a better place mentally..🌲
@affectionateSquare5576Hi Abby, thank you for trusting me enough to share something so personal. And please don't apologise for the length of your message. You don't have to minimise what you're going through or feel sorry for expressing yourself here.
From what you've shared, it sounds like you've been carrying a lot since you were around 14. Struggling academically gradually affected your confidence, and instead of finding the understanding and support you needed at home, you've been experiencing conflict, aggression, and situations that have left you emotionally hurt.
What stands out to me is how alone you've felt in all of this. Being physically hurt by your father, having your emotional struggles dismissed, and feeling like nobody really acknowledges what you're going through must be incredibly painful. I can also understand how these experiences might make it difficult for you to trust or communicate with your family anymore.
It sounds like the recent argument wasn't just about your monitor and keyboard. It brought back memories of something much more painful that you haven't really had the opportunity to process. And on top of that, you're already grieving the loss of a friend.
I want you to know that you don't deserve to be physi
@affectionateSquare5576
I want you to know it’s perfectly normal to want to be treated with respect and kindness and love by your closest family.
I want you to know that it’s what you are worthy of.
It’s unfortunate that it can’t fix the limitations of your reality.
A virtual hug if ok
