Addiction to depression

Hello everyone, i am new here i just want to share what ive been experiencing. I think i have a depression, i have some symptoms of it. Like the lack of sleep even though i have more time to sleep, lack of appetite before i used to eat 3 times a day but now it depends 1-2 and just a soft meal, also i feel hopeless that i don’t see a good future on me, i also have the lack of energy throughout the day i feel so lazy and terrible. Btw im 25 yrs of age. This all started to the addiction on gambling. Ill disclose what happened literally but just want to share some key points to gather some ideas. I don’t want to diagnose my self because ive never been check and consulted to a specialist. But this time the sadness and emptiness is different. Im afraid to die but there’s something on my brain saying to me that in order to end this suffering is i need to kill my self. My problem can break my relationship to my parents and my partner. I have no one told what im suffering. Because if they'll know maybe my relationship to them would be broken. It’s hard to cope up everyday showing that you're okay. World is cruel and even crueler to persons who has depression. Is it normal to hit hard when you are alone? Before i like to be alone because i feel that im free, but now when im alone the thinking and situation is hard for me to deal, i also don’t want to go outside for long i can’t socialize to people im emotionally vulnerable can burst out anytime and have an anxiety attack. Any one can share your thoughts? Thank you