Am I a bad person?
Hi everyone. I've been on antidepressants to control my major depressive disorder for almost 5 years. Until now, most of the time I can manage to control my suicidal thoughts and I'm trying to get back to a normal life.
However, I still can't resist cutting myself whenever I'm angry or frustrated, because I originally have quite bad temper control, but I also don't want to hurt anyone else so I guess I just take it out on myself. The problem is I'm living with my mother so I can't hide my self harming and she would cry and apologize if she saw me hurt myself even though my anger or frustration has nothing to do with her. She's the best thing ever happened to my miserable life and literally the only reason I'm still alive. Am I a bad person for that? Or is it acceptable as long as I don't hurt her or anyone else physically? Shouldn't I have the right to do whatever I want to my own body? I feel so guilty and hate myself more everytime I cut myself intentionally but at the same time put my mother in pain unintentionally. What should I do?
@liuyuni824 is there any way to involve her when you feel the urge to hurt yourself? You can try to coregulate together. Maybe you could look into the topic of co-regulation and give it a try the next time you have an urge.
You are most certainly not a bad person. You are fighting a great battle and sometimes you get scars. You aren't meaning to hurt your mother through your self harming. Keep taking the meds and finding a good therapist. You can find a way away from the pain that is causing the self harm. @liuyuni824
How are things today?@liuyuni824
I'm fine for now, thanks!
Great @liuyuni824
@liuyuni824
I believe we're supposed to be as kind to ourselves as we're supposed to be to others. That means we shouldn't self-harm. I don't think you hurting yourself makes you a bad person, but you deserve better.
Whether or not you're a bad person, I believe you're entitled to love yourself. That doesn't mean approving of everything you do; it means treating yourself as kindly as you'd treat a friend.
