Am i overrreacting?

I really am struggling lately with studies. Been a week or so that Im smiling classes. And tests and stay at home cause im exhausted. Im 17, and i been feeling bad a few months now. My mother try to be suportive? I guess idk, but she says its my fault. And I Dont make enough efford and that i shouldnt stress and so. Aah. I been doing a bit of sh. Even when i try to avoid It a lot. Yet that turn to bad thoughs and dreams about doing *** things. When i was 13 i also had a big problem with sh and i did It a lot. With Friends that didnt take It seriously or harm me more with Scratching it or cutting more. So i really never though about It too seriously. And back then i also was touched by a man, thing i always laught about and never took seriously. I had a friend that liked to cut me in class. And gived Blood notes saying "love u" or "pretty" i had suicidial friends and some attempted. And had suicidial notes. Those things i still have It. I just struggle to throw past things. They are memories. Even if they are bad. I have a few family problems that involved the police. Kids or drugs and so. In general i feel i Dont have a bad Life. I have a few Friends. Nice family. Im loved and i Dont get hurt at home or abused. But i really really feel down lately. And I hate myself so much. And I have suicidal thoughs and so, and i mean.. i Dont.. think i have "depresion" becouse.. i Dont suffer so much. Like. Idk, just feeling down now around 7months. And I guess It Will pass as usual