Best Friend

I have this amazing best friend and she’s been my rock with helping me with what I’ve been going through this past year. She’s been there on my journey to better my mental health, she’s been there when I started medication, she’s been there through the lowest of times. I cannot thank her enough

Lately, not sure if it’s just the depression or if it’s something else, but lately it’s been nonstop fighting every other day it seems like. It usually just happens when we are talking on the phone for hours on end. And lately I have been hurting her with what I say and hurting our friendship. It could start off as a friendly banter/disagreement but for some reason, it just goes off the rails really quick. It hurts me to see what I’m doing and I’m afraid that I’m going to lose her. I’m trying to better myself and try medications that may help me but I’m afraid it might have something to do with a PTSD fight/flight response cause as a kid growing up, I used to get constantly yelled at and abused by my father which also led to huge arguments and I feel like that’s what it’s coming to. I want to get past that and not reflect it onto her. She had nothing to do with it and she isn’t my father. She just wants to be there to help/support me, she wants to love me for who I am and I’ve been just messing it up. I’m afraid she’s going to leave soon if I don’t figure it out and I don’t know what I can do to get past that. I’ve tried in the past before her and it just never worked out

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks for listening ❤️