Birthdays and university

Hi I’m sere. Today is my birthday and every year it gets worse. I really hate everything and myself. A couple of months ago i moved back home with my parents even if i’m still in uni to save money from rent. I usually go to lessons or stay in bed because that’s all I want to do in this months and in general in my life. I want to sleep forever just to stop thinking. I just want to feel good for one minute. I want to sleep without having bad dreams (i keep losing *** so when i sleep i dream of those things and i feel even worse when i wake up). On top of all of these things i’m stuck with my graduation. I study in italy and I have 3 exams until my final but I have to ask the thesis to one of my teachers. She answered telling me to send her the bibliography but i never did. It’s almost one month now and i should have already finished the first chapter. Im stuck I can’t study I can’t do anything I am so lazy I can’t wash my teeth and I always stay on this *** phone scrolling on *** reels and *** and my attention span is worse than idk what. I’m just so *** sad and done with my life. Does any of you feel worse during your birthday? And do you have any advice to get unstuck from this situation with my uni? Maybe I’m not the only one that is waiting for jesus to come and get me.

+ How do you express happiness when people give you gifts? Because i know my family only wants to see me happy but it’s just so difficult because all I wanna do is sleep and not think about anything instead I have everyone attention on myself and they all expect to see me screaming in happiness (i would do it if I just could but they don’t get the fact that I literally can’t feel it)