Chronic mental illness and relationships
People with chronic major depression or other serious long-term mental health issues who are also in relationships, how do you handle it?
My significant supports me a lot and during the worst episodes I even rely on him. The relationship isn't one-sided but he is definitely giving me much more than I can give him. It is a fact that we both know that if he would ever do as badly as I do, I most likely would not be able to support him the same way he supports me. I would just not have the resources for it, since I can barely even take care of myself.
People in similar situations, how do you handle it? I just feel so guilty and I can't help but to think of myself as a burden even though I know he could just leave if he didn't want this. We've been together for a long time so I do trust him fully. How can I make our relationship feel more equal when I feel like I have nothing to offer?
Depression lies to all of us and makes us think That we are a burden on everyone And makes us not able to even think of any positive things about ourself. This happens to all of us,
But here is what really is happening: He doesn’t need A copy of himself As far as his supportiveness capabilities. You have these wonderful Things that are part of why he has the energy To live and to make it in the world. I had a girlfriend long-term once That my favorite thing about her Was that she would sit next to me While I worked , And she was wonderful to sit next to and watch a movie. She wasn’t fidgety at all, She just liked being there. I would get great creative bursts by just having her next to me while I was working. She liked to read or Write stories or sometimes just watch me work. We could sit next to each other outside sometimes under a tree and nothing was going on at all and I loved it that she was comfortable if neither of us wanted to talk for a half hour and we just wanted to sit there. She didn’t really have resources I guess to support me or make my life better , But she was absolutely wonderful. So what was her incredibly great talent? Sitting there. Being pleasant most of the time. That’s all. Only reason it didn’t work out is she lives too far away.
So in your case, there is something about your energy you just being around That he likes very very much. So the only thing I think you have to worry about is if you have changed your energy since the first month or two that you’ve got to know him. If you have become much more depressed and needy, Yes, that could be a problem, Try to think back to how your energy was for the first couple of months, Because that’s who he fell in love with. But if you have always been this way, Well, then don’t worry, There’s something about your energy of you just being there that builds positive energy for him.
I will really truly pray for you today and I hope you will pray too, About a lot of things, but mostly for now that you won’t listen to depression when it lies to you. That you will do the best you can for the people that love you, that chose you…
Prayers and hugs for real