Crying so much that i passed out
So yesterday i was crying so much that i passed out and my parents just called me stupid and worthless. I am starting to believe them. I will go away from this site for good because i am just a huge waste of space and time for anyone that talked to me on here.
@schrodingerscattt You are not a waste of space. We are happy to have you around and your parents are wrong. You deserve all support and care you need. Don´t believe their toxicity 🌻
@sadcat13
I am really starting to believe them. I think I'm a horrible person that is wasting everyone's time. I just can't believe it otherwise. And my Dad gaslighting me into thinking I was crazy just for crying in such an abnormal and unhealthy environment made things worse. When I was a kid I was literally begging them for hugs and they would reply with we don't care, it doesn't matter. So over the years I just shut down and started to be very very depressed, crying all the time but my parents would just call me crazy and tell me :"why can't you be normal?!" I also got called bad names by them occasionally. My Dad was and still is struggling with anger issues and he sometimes hit me when he was mad.
I always had dreams as a kid but was mocked by them and called stupid and useless.
So yeah, now I believe it. I am trying to tell myself that I am great and the way they treated me is not a reflection of who I am but I deep down feel a worthless, ugly, and straight up like the worst person on this planet.
I wasn't meaning to vent but I really need to express myself rn otherwise I feel like exploding from pain and sadness.
@schrodingerscattt it´s ok. Let it out. Your parents failed you terribly. You shouldn´t have gone through this at all. I´m so sorry they are not there for you. It must be very hard
@sadcat13
Yes it's very hard. The worst part is that I feel like a victim and that I don't have a future. I am very pessimistic and aware of this. I was never taught to be how to be positive anyways. I feel broken beyond repair and like a lost case.
I also tend to think about people I know, who have gone through so much worse and are still being positive and fighting. I feel like a cry baby. I wanna be as strong as them. I want adversity to shape me for success. I wanna use my pain as a fuel! But now it's just breaking me, instead of motivating me to get better and show to my parents that I, in fact, can succeed. I've been feeling bad lately and had a lot of sleepless nights so I had a lot of time to think about my whole situation and, gosh, it is so abnormal. No wonder I am struggling BAD right now. The more I think about childhood the more I am scared actually. I went through this! And I thought it was normal! I didn't know better. And as I had no friends it took me longer to realize that other types of parents exist. I thought that everything I saw on TV was fake and that it is impossible for parents to hug their kid or be proud of them. I was used to feel never good enough, and like I didn't matter. I am feeling very bad right now and need some rest. Thank you for being here. I used to be more active on here but I don't feel the energy to do so and cups is not feeling the same to me anymore. Maybe it's me who's feeling worse or maybe it's just not my space anymore.
@schrodingerscattt your feelings are valid. It doesn't matter how much worse others have it. You wouldn't dismiss your belly ache and ignore it because someone else is having a broken leg. It's ok. Pain and suffering is not a competition where you have to be in top 10 local and 1000 global before you can validate it. It's ok. The things that happened shouldn't have happened to you. Your feelings are valid. And it's ok to grieve what should have been and never happened. Your parents are wrong. And you don't have to use your pain as fuel. I feel like right now from what you wrote, you are pushing your feelings away and fighting with them, when you need validation. Be your own best friend. You can do it. Try to journal, or do something that helps you. Write out and validate your feelings and then come up with something you can do to make yourself feel at least a little bit better at the moment. Can be anything from just drinking some water to going to the gym.
Regarding cups, it is ok if it isn't something you would want to use right now. Based on what I see, I would chalk it up to your current mental health state of getting worse and loosing interest in things you used to enjoy. You seem to be in severe depression induced survival mode, although I need to add a disclaimer that I'm NOT a therapist so can't say it with certainty. If you need to take a little time off the site, do it. We will always welcome you back when you feel like returning. Do what is best for you and take care of yourself and your needs.
@schrodingerscattt
*sits with you* 💙
Hey friend 💜 i’m so sorry your parents called you those things ): that’s so horrible and i understand how hurtful it can be. 😞 oftentimes people don’t realise how much impact their words can have ): our brains also seem to be inclined to believe the hurtful and unkind words, rather than the kind ones. 💙 it’s hard.
personally i agree with @sadcat13 wholeheartedly 💜 your not a waste of space and you absolutely deserve support and care. you deserve to feel heard and understood here 💙 i promise.
how are you feeling today, friend? 💜
@LoveMyMoonflowers
Thank you so much. It's so sweet of you. I am feeling tired and overwhelmed right now, but i'm so glad for all your support guys. It really helps.
@schrodingerscattt
i hear your tired and overwhelmed ): life can really be so overwhelming and with everything that’s been going on lately, it’s understandable your tired. 😞 i’m sending lots of love and big big huggies your way, if okie 💙 would you feel comfy telling us a bit more? no pressure 💕 but i’m here to listen.
we’re grateful for you too. 💜 and we are always here for you 💙